Let The Waves Take Me Down ;;

This preoccupation with battle is incongruous with my peaceable nature and it makes me uneasy to know that I have discarded my previously unshakeable morals so easily.  It is as though I have just been waiting for the right moment to cast off my shroud of ideals, as though they were just a flimsy cover and never really a part of me.  I jumped at the first opportunity to rip through my beliefs just to see what lay beneath them, as though I thought I would somehow find myself in the wreckage.  Well, it turns out that maybe I did.  Maybe the fact that I tore away the glittery wrapping-paper of my morality has decided who I am. 

If I follow that logic it means I am ruthless and desperate, grasping at whatever shreds of memory and soul I can find; crushing them to my chest and trying to put myself back together with the bits and pieces I can find.  Maybe if I can patch together my paper shroud and hide beneath it again I will find peace with myself for a while.  Until the next big decision comes along and I choose wrong instead of right.

-|-

Though the forest is warm and the air summery, a cold shiver thrills up my spine and settles in behind my eyes, the ache of worry setting my teeth on edge.  I still dread meeting the mares of Novalee Forest, getting lost amongst their currently faceless number, just another name to add to G.uerilla's list of possessions.  I mentally shake myself, disgusted at the direction of my thoughts.  G.uerilla has offered me a home and protection, the least I can do in return is keep my mind open where he is concerned.

A sweet scent threads through the stench of wolf, comforting and warm.  There are foals here.  I breathe the soft smell deeply, letting it curl around me, easing the icy knot of anxiety that throbs behind my eyes.  My muscles loosen and my ears fall forwards, the lines of fear receding from around my nostrils and eyes.  All thoughts of fighting and morals evaporate as my skin fits itself more comfortably over my bones.  Warmth seeps into my heart and the healing of a bruised and broken thing begins.

Fragile hope has made itself a cosy little home in my soul, burrowing down beneath the surface and leaving me hollow.  I could be so easily shattered now, like a spun glass figurine.  Beautiful in its simplicity, gleaming gently in the light as it is cradled in the calloused hand of its maker.  Hold it just a little too tightly and it will crack.  I will crack.
 

Mnemosyne  ||  Female  ||  Grey  ||  Warmblood  ||  16.1hh  ||
  Water I  |  16 Tokens