She had to get out. Away. Just for a while. Just to get her thoughts straight. This feeling that surged through her, she couldn’t place it. She wouldn’t let herself try. She was afraid, afraid that if she tried to put a name to it, it would be admitting weakness. She couldn’t afford weakness. Marara was set up to perhaps be one for the most powerful people in the Isles. She just had to clinch it. At a time like this, weakness was not welcome. She was most powerful under Zacharias, highest among the standard ranks. All she needed was nobility to clinch her spot. And yet the feeling surged through her again, insistent enough to make her stagger for a moment in her slow walk. There was something wrong, deep within her. Again the feeling surged, this time she was forced to stop. Get herself under control. If human emotions were possible, one would then find her crying bitterly. But again, this was weakness. She just felt so empty. This wasn’t supposed to happen, her ambition was meant to keep her driven. However, it appeared that wasn’t enough. She was vulnerable for once, unprepared to be approached by anyone. This emptiness consumed her, pulling her down. It was only the feel of her element beneath her hooves that kept her from collapsing.
Loneliness is one of the world’s most powerful emotions.
The moon, newly risen, shone down on the snow giving everything an ethereal glow. It seemed Marara was always out at night. She didn’t intend this, it just seemed to happen. And now, with the mood she was in, it seemed to fit. The glow off of her pale coat made her blend into her surroundings. Looking around, she noted with nearly blind eyes that she had come across Novalee Forest. Her small frame leaned up against a tree which spread its canopy above her head. Standing in the snow, she felt the slow chill of cold begin to spread its way through her body. If she stayed here too long, she’d die frozen. Yet, she didn’t make a twitch to indicate she would move. The numbness the cold was bringing soothed her troubled mind. What must it be like to have a friend? To have a lover? The pale mare could only wonder. She would probably never know.
The night was silent, the chill having driven everything to shelter. In the silence, snow began to fall once more. Just light flakes, like Christmas snow. Shutting her eyes for a moment, the petite mare heaved a sigh which was the first movement she had made to indicate she wasn’t dead yet. She just kept telling herself she was overreacting, that no one really needed those close connections. But she knew she was kidding herself. Some small part inside her soul was withering, longing for companionship in any form. Usually Marara was collected, calm, and cold. Now, she seemed more like the small filly she once was. She was open, searching, vulnerable. She was no longer severe, no longer under control. Struggle as she might, she couldn’t bring herself back under her ambitious shell. She had said no to a chance to go to the North. While she was pleased with her progress in the South, perhaps that decision had brought her to this, years later.
Loneliness is powerful. Crippling to even the strongest.
Suddenly, the silence was broken. A wolf, in the distance began to howl. It was a mournful song, a wolf singing alone. They were meant to be in a chorus, singing as one. It mirrored the way the white mare felt. Yet, the sound made her heart quiver with a pang of fear. It was the natural reaction to hearing a predator. Yet, the song seemed to get no closer. The wolf was not interested in hunting alone tonight, it seemed. Yet, her self-preservation instinct kicked in. With a struggle that seemed endless, the nearly white mare pulled all of her emotion back within her shell. If she was indeed in Novalee forest, she could turn this surprising visit diplomatic. After all, the Isles had no idea as to where their herds allegiances lay. For example, this land was ruled by Luxus. However, Marara would have to say that she didn’t ever remember Luxus and Zach having communication. This was as perfect a time as any it seemed, to assess the status of the alliance.
It may have been the middle of the night, but she had a feeling this ‘Luxus’ would know when someone was in his lands. So, she stayed where she was. The snow continued to numb her body and soul; it was her slight reminder of her emotions. Heaving another sigh, her eyes searched the darkness for any other living soul. The stallion would find her, she was pretty sure. For now, she stood, emotions hidden except for perhaps a tiny spark of distress in her eyes. She was content to wait. She was good at it.
All the time, the cold continued to creep up her body.
And she didn’t mind.
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