In that instant I felt myself change..

I’d known what was about to happen really, and I didn’t find myself trying to throw up boarders to protect myself, I simply let a small grin line my features; It wasn’t sarcastic or mocking in any way, just simply there. Blank even. I started at the brute who had started to leave, but I knew Queens didn’t want him to disappear just yet. I’d listened to Queens in silence, taking in and analysing each word down to precise detail - I understood her anger, but I did not see one thing. The way she contradicted herself made me laugh dryly, and I slithered backwards to avoid a reaction that my actions may have provoked. I’d also found myself annoyed at how she seemed to have taken my sanity under her own paw. I was not some child who did need curing, and I let a small growl rumble in my chest. Still staying a gentleman, however, I let it slide before opening my jowls.

‘My beautiful lady, never once have I asked anything of you. Although you may be a princess in these bastard’s eyes, you are a queen in mine.’

Enough now. It was the only way I could hold back the sarcasm though, not that my tone wasn’t heavily laced with it already. I felt the grin turn into a hollow smirk, and my eyes fell comfortably on her own. While my body language spoke of calm, smooth intentions, my eyes did not; mixed with a challenge, different for Queens though. It was not of strength or wit, nor even of her little ranks. None mattered to me right now. I did have some pride, however small it really was. Most of it was a cover of how much I hated what I’d done in the past, but times like these made it seem more hard to care about those I hurt.

This was reason enough to make me understand why I freelanced, no commitments. I almost choked anytime the word faithful was brought up - for anyone, not just involving this here and now.

A fresh heat of anger waved over me, but it did not show apart from my tone. It flicked off of my tongue with razor edges, covered in the poison that you couldn‘t seem to shake.

‘Don’t you dare compare me to him, he was weak. Do you want to know what I do to weak wolves?’ I hesitated, but did not await an answer before I let my scarred lips snake back up into a daring look, eyes turning dangerous now. ‘I don’t need remind you, though, do I?’ The reminder of how she’d stepped aside and let me in would have been enough, I was sure of it.

But while I found myself trying to further provoke some sort of reaction, I wasn’t going to kill her. Not that I wouldn’t hurt her, of course, but if it came down to a cadaver then it would be mine.
I didn’t feel quite hurt from what she’d said, but I was sure it was because I’d blocked out the meaning behind it. Obviously sorry wasn’t enough, shame she didn’t really understand how it must have been only the second time I’d ever said it. The dangerous look in my eyes didn’t change as they narrowed, now shifting from where I saw her playboy half slip away, then back to her. I felt my hackles ripple as though a shiver had ran along my spine, but I did not care. They danced in a warning, but nothing that spoke of immediate action.

‘Luck isn’t something I believe in, love. I haven’t disrespected anyone as far as I’m concerned - sorry, did you want me to roll over and whimper like a little bitch for ‘more’? Hah, fuck me and fuck respect.’ I twitched my lip to ensure her that I was somewhat too much aware of the cheating comment. ‘We both need not go into that now. I fucked some little bird, but with all the wolves around here I’m sure one of them had already come to you.’

I wasn’t going to bother with being pretty about it, I was blunt.

‘As for a toy, that’s a little ironic coming from you. I have been away, yet you never consider whether it was for you - Always, you’re thinking about yourself. Saying this I have never once treated you like a toy. I throw away new toys once I’ve finished with them, but you. You collect them.’ I made a small gesture with my head towards where Arcadian left, and where doubtless other brutes were all dwelling within beyond that point, each one having been drawn in by the duchess’ beauty and poisoned honeyed words. I shrugged though afterwards, I wasn’t going to start letting jealousy get to me now. It would kill me, and I bet she knew as much.

I had to lower my gaze, knowing she’d see the flicker of weakness. I was scared I was going to lose her, not of death or anything else that may lay ahead. I didn’t want to picture her with another brute’s claws digging into her hips. I didn’t want to see how he would watch her with lust and what he’d perceive as love. I steadied myself a little and let my burning orange gaze turn emotionless again before I rose them back to stare dead at her.

‘I do not want your speak of luck, comparison, disrespect. Nor did I come here to be chewed out then spat back in the dirt; I came back to apologise, which obviously doesn’t match your expectations; so why would I reach them? - As for darkness, I never kept you in the darkness, you never asked. I tried to fucking protect you from all of this, and I get treated like I slaughtered your sanity.’

I lowered my skull and let my hackles dance back to life, but I didn’t move, just kept staring at her angry frame. I was frustrated as well, and I was more than sure that she knew as much. Most of what I’d just spoken was from anger, but I knew every word I had said, it wasn’t just blurted out. Arcadian was right, we did have a lot to catch up on.

‘You know I’d never touch you, but the princess should learn that she will get hurt some day. I offered you more than you’d ever understand by staying here. Do not think someone won’t come one day and break your throne.’

My lips twitched back then, hopefully drawing attention from the darkening look in my luminaries - It wasn’t desperation, nor just pure hurt. The new mix was just.. Emptiness, but harsh; I had become something of a monster but that hadn’t changed the fact I was still Pendulum, but I didn’t even know if she’d understand that. In the reflection of her pissed off gaze, I just saw an angry, scarred wolf.

‘Or am I just wasting my time..?’ I mumbled slightly, trailing off as I let my mind wander as to what I wanted to make clear next. Take a breath, raise my lips into a tighter snarl. ‘I am no marionette, Queens, and you know damn fucking well how I feel. The both of us know how hard it is for each other, but unlike you I seem to be riddled with those imperfections you so hate; so make a choice and make it quick. Am I just some loner wasting his time, or not?’

In that moment I went numb. It was hard to explain how I felt really, spitting all of that at her. None of it had been soft what so over, and I’d be surprised if she had a change of heart. From what I saw right now she wanted me gone, replaced by someone who wouldn’t have just left on her like I had. I felt betrayed, knowing quite clear how she’d blamed me for everything that had happened involving herself, not once had she seemed to spare a worry about why I’d just disappeared like I had. Not one thing so far showed me that she had genuinely worried about my whereabouts - unless you call all the blame, affection. Then again I deserved it to some extent.

When it came down to what I’d really asked, the meaning was clear:
Was I to leave and never come back, or was I staying?