JUDGEMENT
IP: 216.115.121.28
Posted on December 16, 2011 at 03:26:03 AM by Tzarra (the recruited judge)
SPIDEY POST ONE
FIRST ATTACK – AXIAN PHYSICAL
CREATIVITY – 2.5/5 spinning to kick with the hind legs is a standard attack
CLARITY – 2.5/5 “His hooves made a definite impact on Dante's black shoulder” – this is a power play. You should not state exactly where contact is made instead just say that you are aiming to hit the shoulder (or something along those lines). The attack is fairly clear and easy to visualize, I probably wouldn’t have subtracted points in this category if not for the power play.
REALISM – 5/5 Plausible attack with a realistic target and a good chance of connecting somewhere even if it ends up not being the shoulder
ATTACK TOTAL: 10/15
SECOND ATTACK – EQUINE PHYSICAL
CREATIVITY – 2.5/5 Again, rearing and attempting to batter with the front legs is a standard attack
CLARITY – 1.5/5 While the action itself is clear the intent is not. “His black hooves snapping against Dante's…” against Dante’s what? What are you hoping to hit? And again watch the wording, this too was power playing.
REALISM –5/5 The action is realistic and reasonable. I can’t speak to the realism of the target since that wasn’t clear, but I already subtracted points for this in the previous category.
ATTACK TOTAL: 9/15
TOTAL FOR POST: 19/30
DANTE’S POST
FIRST DEFENSE – EQUINE PHYSICAL
CREATIVITY – 5/5 Duck! Duck! --- Creative and not an approach that I’ve read before
CLARITY – 5/5 Clearly described and easy to visualize
REALISM – 5/5 A horse is realistically capable of doing this and the timing fits well in between the two attacks. The description of the contact and damage makes sense to me.
DEFENSE TOTAL: 15/15
SECOND DEFENSE – EQUINE PHYSICAL
CREATIVITY – 3/5 Baking up is a standard defense, the additional focus on getting the head out of the way is not so standard
CLARITY – 4/5 Clearly described and easy to visualize, except for the part where he gets hit in the jaw.
REALISM – 3.5/5 While the action is totally realistic I’m not convinced that the contact is realistically described. The chest okay, but the impact to the jaw just isn’t working in my head. Jaw impact makes more sense coming from underneath and I think with his head thrown up and back he’d maybe be grazed but not severely impacted. The impact would then be in the chest. --- At any rate with it occurring as described the injuries are reasonable and well played.
DEFENSE TOTAL: 10.5/15
FIRST ATTACK – EQUINE PHYSICAL
CREATIVITY – 4/5 Biting is fairly standard, though attempting to simply mark rather than more seriously injure is not very common.
CLARITY – 5/5 Clearly described and easy to visualize
REALISM – 3/5 Plausible and reasonably likely to connect somewhere. The choice of smaller targets isn’t very realistic but you do acknowledge that you are unlikely to actually get what you’re aiming for. I like that you mention a blurring of vision resulting from the blow to the jaw, though I’m not sure that really would have been the result. If it was the result an impact serious enough to blur vision would probably also make opening the mouth to bite painful and this is not mentioned.
ATTACK TOTAL: 12/15
SECOND ATTACK – EQUINE PHYSICAL
CREATIVITY – 3.5/5 While bucking is a common attack, the careful analysis of the approach and angle makes it less common.
CLARITY – 5/5 Clearly described and easy to visualize
REALISM – 5/5 I’m not seeing any problems with this one, the target is a reasonable choice and as I said above the approach is well described.
ATTACK TOTAL: 13.5/15
TOTAL FOR POST: 51/60
SPIDEY’S SECOND POST
FIRST DEFENSE – EQUINE PHYSICAL
CREATIVITY – 4/5 There isn’t really any defense here however I do admire a willingness to take/accept pretty much exactly what was aimed at you
CLARITY – 5/5 A good description of what is occurring
REALISM – 3/5 While what you decided to allow is plausible I don’t find it realistic for him to not even try and twist away.. I think you took more damage than was necessary.
DEFENSE TOTAL: 12/15
SECOND DEFENSE – EQUINE PHYSICAL
CREATIVITY – 4/5 Lunging forward is a standard reaction, however I like the mention of him panicking that was good to include.
CLARITY – 5/5 A good description of the interaction
REALISM – 5/5 This all makes sense and sounds reasonable to me.
DEFENSE TOTAL: 14/15
TOTOL FOR POST: 26/30
TOTALS
SPIDEY
POST ONE TOTAL – 19/30
POST TWO TOTAL – 26/30
FINAL SCORE – 45/60
DANTE
FINAL SCORE (only one post) – 51/60
WINNER – DANTE
ADELINE WILL REMAIN WITH DANTE
JUDGE’S NOTES:
DANTE – Both your attacks and defenses are well written and Dante remains characteristically stoic through out. A little more explanation of why something was happening the way it was probably would have fixed the problems I had with the realism.
SPIDEY – Your character’s emotions are well conveyed, I enjoyed his irrational and self-righteous anger. Your defense post was pretty good though I do think you took more damage then you needed to. Your attacks could use more description. Also remember to give a clear idea of what you’re aiming for without stating that you connected or where you connected so as to avoid power playing.
BOTH – This is more a pet peeve of mine than anything, but it would be helpful to include a listing of your stats in your “term negotiation” posts. It saves your opponent (and your judge) from having to look them up.
Good effort on both sides and an enjoyable read for me. :)
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