JUDGMENT IP: 18.104.22.168 Posted on February 12, 2012 at 04:42:34 PM by green*star
HELIOS FIRST ATTACK – EQUINE PHYSICAL CREATIVITY – 4/5 Very interesting. Going for the legs/joints is very common but I haven’t seen someone focus on this particular part of the leg.
CLARITY – 2/5 There is description lacking here. Are you coming at him from the side? The back? Also… be careful of powerplaying here, ”slamming his front hooves into Spidey’s right hock”, you clear it up a bit after saying ”if successful” just remember to always be speculative. Overuse the word “if” when you need to. You do a great job of describing the damage, but spend a bit more time on the attack itself and make it as precise as possible.
REALISM – 5/5 Attacks to the legs are common because they are effective, and especially so with the height difference here.
ATTACK TOTAL: 11/15
SECOND ATTACK – EQUINE PHYSICAL CREATIVITY – 2/5 Again, leg and joint attacks are common. Aiming for the hip even more so.
CLARITY – 1/5 Are you doing another bucking attack? Are the front or the back hooves being used? Where are you approaching from? Again, a good job of describing damage but this attack was clearly not as thought out as the first. Add some more description to paint a better picture and this could be a good attack.
REALISM – 2.5/5 Again, a common attack because it is generally effective. However, the hip bone is very large, and Helios is quite a bit smaller and therefore less strong than Spidey. I doubt he would be successful in fracturing the hip bone. Also, why not go for the previously injured right leg to further damage it? It is a good start, but it needs some work.
ATTACK TOTAL: 5.5/15
TOTAL FOR POST: 16.5/30
SPIDEY FIRST DEFENSE – EQUINE PHYSICAL CREATIVITY – 4/5 Seems like a good idea.
CLARITY – 2/5 I am getting a little confused. I am assuming he is simply “jumping” with his rear legs to pull them up. Where exactly did the attack land? Directly on the joint? Was it a glancing blow? What sort of damage did he take? You say he felt the throb, but what exactly happened to it? I would suggest having someone proofread to see where you can clarify things more! Having a fresh set of eyes is really helpful.
REALISM – 5/5 Good. You took in the speed/size differences as well as choosing a very plausible avoidance attempt.
DEFENSE TOTAL: 11/15
SECOND DEFENSE – EQUINE PHYSICAL CREATIVITY – 0/5 You didn’t really do anything. He just kind of stood there and took it. This is very similar to what Spidey did in his battle against Dante.
CLARITY – 4/5 Clear enough. You took the hit to the hip.
REALISM – 2/5 Why isn’t running or fleeing or even moving an option? How does he instantly know what is coming? Any horse is going to try to move somehow to escape the attack.
DEFENSE TOTAL: 6/15
FIRST ATTACK – EQUINE PHYSICAL CREATIVITY – 4/5 Head and neck attacks are not common.
CLARITY – 1/5 You say Spidey is facing his target head on but Helios thinks he is attacking his back heels? His front legs leave the ground but he is attacking with his rear ones? Where exactly are you aiming? Just at the side of the neck? This definitely needs to be cleaned up and more description added.
REALISM – 1/5 He is spinning on his hocks directly after one of them was injured? There is no way he could be moving like this after such a leg injury. Seems like a bad idea. He is attacking with his injured leg? Don’t forget your damage! The neck and head are the most difficult places to land an attack as the neck of the horse is so flexible.
ATTACK TOTAL: 6/15
SECOND ATTACK – EQUINE PHYSICAL CREATIVITY – 4/5 I like biting attacks. They are not used often because the actual damage done is minimal, but they are just such a great way to make a point. The only reason I didn’t give you full points is because this is soooo similar to the attack Dante used against Spidey.
CLARITY – 3.5/5 Could use a little work. However this was much better than the previous attack. I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on. Be careful of powerplaying, ”Helios would then toss his head up in frantic attempt to remain with Spidey”. You can guess but you can’t know.
REALISM – 3.5/5 Again? Spinning on his injured hock? Again, don’t forget your damage. Also, again, the head and neck are hard places to actually land an attack because the neck is so flexible. However, the desperation Spidey is feeling right now helps a bit.
ATTACK TOTAL: 11/15
TOTAL FOR POST: 34/60
HELIOS FIRST DEFENSE – EQUINE PHYSICAL CREATIVITY – 3/5 Pretty standard.
CLARITY – 4/5 Good. I know exactly what you are doing.
REALISM – 4/5 Good way to avoid damage to the neck. The muscles on the chest are not as vital or vulnerable.
DEFENSE TOTAL: 11/15
SECOND DEFENSE – EQUINE PHYSICAL CREATIVITY – 2/5 Eh, you basically did just what Spidey thought. Not much creativity in that.
CLARITY – 2/5 This needs some work. I can decipher where the attack lands but now when, or how. Wouldn’t rearing up bring the head further from him?
REALISM – 3.5/5 Pretty good. I can see it. However I think the attack would probably have landed more on the underside of the jaw and no the cheek with rearing up.
DEFENSE TOTAL: 7.5/15
TOTAL FOR POST: 18.5
HELIOS TOTAL: 35/60
SPIDEY TOTAL: 34/60
HELIOS: +3 DRAQMA
SPIDEY: -3 DRAQMA
JUDGE’S NOTES: HELIOS: This was a very good first attempt. Your attacks and defenses were fairly realistic and well considered. Just build on your description and clarity for the next battle and you’ll be well on your way to being a great battler.
SPIDEY: You have great ideas! However, the lacking in clarity makes it hard to find your ideas! Work on that, and defenses for your next battle. The reason you received a 0 for creativity on your second defense is because Spidey JUST used the same defense against Dante. Keep things fresh and come up with a great way to limit damage. You are well on your way.
BOTH: This was very close. The two of you are very evenly matched and I had to get some help from CelticBubbles to decide the winner. Keep it up, work on clarity and you could both benefit by having a proofreader before you post to see where you need more description. Great work both of you!