The tension only seems to grow in the air around us. My eyes keep finding Sin, wondering what she must be thinking, feeling. Her family was ruined too by this tragedy. Again the guilt washes over me. I should have been there to do something. I mentally shake the thoughts from my head though as young Darth approaches Sin and she reaches out for him, nuzzling him as she calls him a brave warrior and tells him he will be great one day. I agree with her, my body straightening, ears perked as my eyes shine with determination. My muscles tense when she says that we will seek our revenge. I know that my rage walks a thin line and I can't fall over that edge again. No, there is too much at stake to let the darkness take over and do all the work for me. I can't even say I would be able to control it enough to target the right wolves, the wolves who deserve that monster to come out and skin them alive. No, for all I know, I would target the wolves I feel closest to, the likes of Sin and Akina and maybe even some of the other pack wolves and I can't do that to them so I must keep control over my rage. I can't lose control.
Sin acknowledges my presence and I'm sure she senses something else but she keeps it to herself as she turns her attention to Akina's approach. Sin steps to her instantly, wrapping herself around the thin female, whispering something I can't make out but I look away, giving them their intimate moment, knowing it's something for the ears of the mothers who lost something, not me. Sin holds her for a while and my chest constricts, seeing the closeness between the two. Who knows how long they've been friends. Finally Sin steps away and nods to another wolf who came. I notice the alpha's attention turn when Akina's daughter comes in and speaks to Darth. Her foggy eyes fill with something, a deep emotion and I'm sure it's guilt or something. Of course they all feel guilt, they all feel like they should have been able to stop this. As do I. I watch Sin, wanting to offer her support just as I do Akina. It hurts to see them like this. Sin moves back to her spot but she looks so small all of a sudden. I hold my spot though, sure that she wants to seem strong for the pack, not have members come rushing up to her to offer support.
She breathes deeply before looking over everyone, starting off by apologizing for her absence. She speaks of the attack and the ones that are dead and missing. My skin ripples, anticipation of the revenge to come already pulling me into a deeper pit. I listen as she speaks of the pup she found over the cliffs and my mind clouds, remembering nightmares where I did the same thing, tossing innocents over cliffs just to listen to them scream as they fell. I flinch and close my eyes for a moment, shaking my head of the memories that I'll be seeing forever in my sleep. I try to make myself focus again, wanting to give Sin my attention. She pauses for a moment before continuing, this time going further back, telling a story where she went to retrieve a pup and got lost in a storm and grew too weak to go on. My chest further constricts, wishing I had been there. I watch her stand ever proud, even as she admits that a male violated her in her weak state. Well, now everyone knows how the pups came to be. I frown, concern and anger battling inside of me. How dare someone do that? Again I try to wash my own memories from my mind, memories of torturing females in as many different ways as possible.
I'm technically a hypocrite in every hateful thing I think about this male who came in and took those pups. I have done all these things and more but I couldn't control myself then. I didn't know what I was doing until I'd wake bathed in blood the next morning. Once more I flinch and push the thoughts back. No, I must control the darkness. Sin continues her story, telling how the male promised to be back for his pups. At the end, she says the inevitable, that she will step down if we ask it of her. A small growl of disagreement parts my lips at this point. It's a soft sound, almost inaudible, but it doesn't sound fierce or challenging, only defiant. No, she cannot step down. She must not let this bring her down. After a moment or two, she lifts her head, eyes showing so many vicious emotions that it's hard to keep track of. She speaks again, talking about change before she starts calling out ranks. Akina is named Beta. Vela is Delta. I'm surprised when I get called forth as Gamma. I feel undeserving as I always do but at least she gives me a purpose. Protection. I flinch again, thinking of how I couldn't even protect them all from this threat. But I can do better now. I can be there, I will be there.
My attention picks up again when Sin mentions Blood Titan. I remember the male who was at Akina's side when the other male Freedom left for good. Titan is her mate and father of one of her litters, Freedom the father of the others. Apparently Titan has a thing for leaving. I glance over at Akina, hoping she doesn't notice my probing eyes wondering how she's feeling when she hears that he's back. Will she go to him and give him another chance or will the attack be the turning point? Will she turn him away in anger, blaming him for what happened, that he wasn't there to protect his own children? It's none of my business and I know this and yet I can't help but feel for Akina, hoping she'll make the decision she knows is the right one for her own sake. Finally Sin says that the floor is open. I look around, waiting for someone, anyone to speak and when no one does, I inhale sharply and look over to meet Sin's eyes, even unseeing. I want her to know she can look through me all she wants. I will only speak the truth. You must stand strong. Just as you told Akina, you will be expected to pull yourself together. Do not let this beat you down. You must fight back, prove your worth as queen of Aurora Borealis just as I'm sure you've done so well before this. We will take care of the wolves who did this but you can't let them win by admitting defeat. You are the queen and stepping down is not something a queen does. Stand strong and be our queen now, the queen I know you to be. Once I've spoke my peace, I sigh and duck my head a little, wondering how she'll react. Will Akina not like me scolding her friend, telling her what to do? I guess I'll find out soon enough.
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