He had no right, no right at all to return here. He had his reasons for leaving and to be sure, they all revolved around her (the name still caused a fluctuation in his heartbeat). Every single one. He had taken himself out of the equation when he realized all the harm that he was causing. That had never been his intention. Could he still be a just ruler when his personal life was enveloped in chaos and turmoil? He didn’t dare speak goodbyes for fear that someone would change his mind, force him to stay when he believed leaving was the best thing.

Whether that made him a coward or not, he could hardly judge for himself. But he felt like a coward coming back - returning was the hardest thing he had ever done. Afraid what state the kingdom was in, afraid what state his family was in. No matter what had happened, after all, they were still his family. She was still his family. Whether she considered him hers or not. Did their children remember him? Little Lilandria was so young when he had left.

No fanfare accompanied Kastiel as he made his way to the borders. He did not trot in with a streaming banner of a tail - head held proud as befitting a once-king. Instead he slunk in, a cream-and-gold 'red' panda, sticking to the trees and moving deftly among them. The timing did not feel quite right to go amongst those he had once considered family. Perhaps fate would grant him a moment or two to observe from the boughs of the lush green aspens and oaks that made up the sunny forests in his home.

It felt good to be able to shift again though he was not sure whether the price was worth it.

Finding a high branch, he perched upon it and scanned the rolling hills before him. There was still a population here and the scents of his family were present. Such as they were, those small facts did wonders to calm his troubled heart as he nestled in to watch for a time - waiting with apprehension for the moment when she might come into view.