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I watch her back tense, knowing that she is fighting the pull. If only I could set her free, let our imprint stay severed but I couldn't. My draw to her, knowing that she is out there somewhere, knowing that she is alive, I couldn't let her be there alone. My soul wouldn't allow it. I hit her weak spot when I bring up the children and she turns on me, snarling and flashing her fangs. I take a step back, jerking my head back as if she would bite me. My eyes show pain and hurt as she throws her words at me. I jerk as if she is snapping at my flesh with every syllable. I know. I have failed them again and again. I am their father and I don't deserve that title. I won't push myself into their life if you don't wish me in it but if they come to me, I will not turn them away. I will never turn them away, just as I would never turn you away. My eyes search hers, wishing I could take away the pain and hurt away but I know that as long as I choose Kiska, that will never happen. Our souls will never be at rest. She crushes me with her words, mentioning Kiska's imprint now. My ears fold back, my eyes aching with pain. If it would make you happy, then I wish it too. I wish myself eternal torture if only to give you a second's peace. I watch her face contort in torment. I know that this hurts her, that this kills her, to see me with Kiska. I can't ask her to understand what I have with her because she doesn't have it with anyone. I know that she won't understand as long as she chooses me and yet knows that I won't not choose Kiska. She turns back to me, yelling at me now, unleashing all of her fury on me. I take it. I stand my ground and wince with every word like a physical blow. My voice is soft, almost a whisper. You could never be inferior. Not even to the moon and the stars and the gods above for you are above them all in my world, Natalya. You will always be above them all. It was never just an attraction. I was attracted to her when I first met her in Montagne, another land far from Moladian. I was attracted to her then but when we met on the battle field in Moladian, it was different, stronger. I fell for her and yet couldn't admit it to myself because my hard shell wouldn't allow weakness. You helped me break through that shell and gave me the strength to see through my own barriers. I'm sorry that I can't dismiss her. I know that everything you say is true. My body aches for you, my whole being aches for you but it would be wrong of me to have you, to take you and turn away from Kiska. I know that there is no winning in this. I know that no matter what I say, I will incure her wrath. No matter what, I fail. In everything, it seems, I fail. |