I can see the happiness in my father's eyes, the typical look he gives when he sees me after a while. I can read his face pretty well, it has indeed been the way he communicated to me for all my life. I am rather indifferent to his happiness though, it held no real meaning to me. He is my father and he is around me a lot but...there still is no point to it all. I am, however, surprised. I had come and spoken to him expecting only body language between us. Instead, words come from his mouth. A single ear swivels towards him, and my face is covered in suspicion. I am greeted with a lick but really I am still surprised he said something. He had never said anything to me before and I have no idea why he started just now. He is happy to see me, for that I am certain but I do not feel much from it myself.
My form of silver and shadow sit still, and my expression is still one untrusting because I do not understand. I understand little in life, practically nothing makes any sense and my father suddenly talking doesn't help. Life is a strange thing, so strange and foreign, a constant series of events that are nothing in the end. I find myself constantly frustrated with this life, with this confusion and lack of purpose. My father tells me that eating pups is wrong, and I wrinkle my nose a bit. I don't get it. I simply don't understand and am having difficulty grasping this right and wrong. My mother was around it, she made it seem fine. My father says....yes he speaks otherwise, yet he never spoke before. How can I trust him? How can I trust anything. I grind my teeth slightly. I am quite annoyed. My golden eyes catch his, it takes a direct look due to my bad eye but I quickly look away again. I said nothing to him. I had nothing to say. I don't really have anything to say to anyone, and the fact that he is my father doesn't change this fact.
My eyes fixate on the trees in the distance. Trees are leeches, ticks of the earth. My father speaks to me more but my mind cannot help but wander a bit. I cannot help but think about what the hell trees were doing, if they enjoyed staying in one spot their whole existence. I almost feel like I was meant to be a tree. Maybe trees don't have to think like I do. I half listen to my father and his words, he goes on about his failures and his love and things related to me but I am already at the point where I don't care. He doesn't need my forgiveness because I do not care, it doesn't matter. It may have been frustrating growing up with a father who wouldn't speak for no damn reason, but what would it have changed? You can't change anything from the past so why bother.
I find a growl stirring inside of me. It is soft and gentle, a dull roar that I cannot seem to control. I do not growl out of hatred or any malice, I growl out of frustration. This frustration was never ending inside of me and his words just intensified it. My lip twitches on my hansom face and I close my eyes as I push down my growl into silence. After a small moment I open my eyes again, quickly I turn to look at him.
"Yes," I say firmly, before looking away at the trees once again. Yes. That is all I had to say. It will be enough. I have no other words or actions, they simply do not come to my head. It should be good enough.
Two Year - Chased by None - Chasing by None |