I said I was waiting for inspiration - for something to happen - but I guess maybe I've grown tired of just waiting around. Cobryn is still lost somewhere within his own mind, as is Covet, and I'm starting to feel like maybe it's up to me to do something. I want them to get better and even though I still feel like there's nothing out there for me, I just... Push through it. In the end, it'll be worth it. Cobryn and I will find somewhere to call home and eventually, we'll actually be good again rather than just surviving, you know? We'll be fixed and as much as the thought frightens me a little... Well, maybe one day we'll have our own family. I was never really too good with puppies but maybe in time I will get used to them. I just hope Cobryn isn't scared of the idea after all that Jaidah put him through; I can't help but think maybe I should reach out to Jumanji wherever he is. Maybe that'll make Cobryn smile.

I guess maybe that's why I'm out in the Western Craters; I heard Jaidah was seen there a lot so I figured maybe Jumanji would be close by. I don't really know what I'll say or do if I find either of them but I just hope it's the right thing. After everything, I don't think I hate Jaidah - she was my Queen once even if it was so long ago. She's changed though and she probably hates me - I don't really feel bad about what Cobryn did, but I know part of her hurt from it. I try to relate it to losing Judila whenever I think about it; like a part of me was missing. I think maybe that's how she felt when he left her - now that I think about it.... I don't really want to run into her. I'll just have to hope Jumanji doesn't feel the same way.

I don't know why it's so hard to not think about her and Judila here. I guess it's all rocks and waterfalls I've passed through the crater; even the sound of the water reminds me of the river. It's been a while since I've been off by myself so it's like two years worth of thoughts are all catching up to me. Even then I'm still thinking of ways to make Cobryn happy; I've found myself a nice rock in the water's shallow that makes me think maybe he'd like it here. You can see where the falls become a river up ahead and it smells almost just like Judila did - except it's missing the others. Hazard, Arsenic... I miss them sometimes.

This is one of those times.

I sigh and drop onto my belly, my paws dangling in the warm water. It's already midday and I haven't seen a single soul but surely I can't be alone. I had thought I was alone that day at the lake but that male, Amorak, had showed up. I guess I'm just hoping that maybe this time is like then, too. Maybe I wanted some time alone this morning but not anymore.

Eventually I can't bare it anymore and I lift my head to howl; it's a sad howl but I don't feel like wearing my mask today. I've been strong my whole life - surely a day off won't kill me.