I find myself wandering the depths of the crater a lot. I do not wish to spend time in the pack lands to much. I don't want to speak to others about things that I don't care about, or watch cannibals do their thing. I am desperately looking for something to take my interest in life, something that might hold me down and bring some reason to stay, but yet I have found none. There is nothing, no meaning to my existence or the existences of others. No true meaning, anyway, and I find myself hardened and cold in my state of loneliness. I have spent the past few days lingering around the crater, staring at trees and plants all day long, hoping my mind would fade to think of nothing but having no luck. I always travel on, and today I happen upon an area a bit more grassy. Maybe with less to focus on my mind could get lost in the clouds.
I suppose some would call me a hansom boy. My face is well formed, I have no scars or deformity. It is mostly black, dark and mysterious, inky and like shadows under the cover of night. Yet my muzzle is touched with silver at the bottom, a silver that crawls down my chest, to my belly and covers my hind limbs. I do not think too much about my looks though. I do see myself, I do not interact with my own face, it is others that have to deal with my visual stunning though I am sure once they actually meet me they would have no interest. I am a child of Ruvindra and Vague, the son of a Queen but I am the forgotten son. I am the only survivor of Ruvindra's second litter yet my sibling's death seemed to take such a massive toll on their souls. I was not good enough. I grind my teeth as I always did with my irritating thoughts. My survival did not soften the blow of three deaths and it seemed like I didn't really matter. I almost feel like it would have been better if I had died with my siblings, smashed and burned with their bodies instead of living a life where my parents were silent with sadness or just plain mad.
I have to stay clear of Caligula. She gives me bad vibes, and she tells me without telling me that she doesn't want me around. I have done absolutely nothing to her yet she seems to be a bitter soul. I have not seen much kindness in this dirt filled world, I know my father loves me but it is no matter. I doubt there is much to look forward too, I have indeed been on this earth for two years and yet nothing has come from it. Maybe that was about to change.
I don't think about my surroundings at times. Sometimes I am so caught up in thought that I don't know I go, I don't realize anyone is around. Not that I really care anyway. I don't tend to like being around others. I usually avoid or ignore them. But sometimes, my mind is really far gone as I go on auto pilot, paw dragging at a steady pace to nowhere. That is how I stumbled upon Durga. I do this not on purpose, my golden eyes were fixated only a foot or two before me, and not only that but I have a bad eye. I literally cannot see out of my right golden orb, so beautiful and yet so utterly useless. Because of my birth defect, and my distracted and distant mind, I realize much too late that I am walking right towards Durga. It probably looks like my slouched form is intending to walk up to her, intending to engage in conversation or something of the sort but that is not the case. But alas, it is too late as I am only a few feet away when my golden orbs lift and I take in the form of the black and golden girl.
I stop dead in my tracks, the black hairs on my back tingling as my mistake settles into my skull. My eyes dash back and forth, my head already lowered for I usually hold it rather low to begin with. I feel a sense of awkward come over me like a thick cloud in my head, I do not know what to do and I am hardly prepared for this sort of thing. Hell, my family never talked to me so my language skills are sub par, and that also means my social skills are probably laughable. My eyes do not come into contact with hers, this I know as much as I take a step back in the tall grass. I hope this wolf of black and gold doesn't think I am a threat but I am not, but I feel as if I should say something just to be sure. I wait in silence for a moment or two, my mind is still fogged. I don't know what to say. Eventually, something slips out of my silvery lips.
"Sorry," I said...and that is all I said. Just sorry. I could not think of anything else, I was frozen in my mind and body, all I wanted was to be alone and not have to deal with the positively awkward interaction we could potentially have. There is not worth or meaning in speaking with...her, not like I was worthy enough anyway if there were. I am the bottom of the barrel, the scum of the earth, defected and forgotten. Yeah, with the slightest signal from her I would leave and be on my way to nowhere.
Two Year - Chased by None - Chasing by None |