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Meryl shouted something almost unintelligible in my own panic as i scrambled out of the den, for once entirely unaware of my own horrific hair, fur spiking up in every direction- after all, I’d managed to inherit one more useless thing from my Father along with his vanity and ego- his bed-hair and it was in fine form today as I blundered out, calling for anything, anyone who could fix this. I’m trained to kill not to heal, to take life, not bring it into the world and indeed while I know how to heal small things, basic wounds I have no understanding of birth. It is a female matter and frankly after what I’ve seen I’d be content to leave it as one. Meryl was probably going to be traumatized for the rest of his life having seen that mess and blood and pain and hell- I was feeling light-headed again. I shook myself, taking another breath, throwing my head back once more, one violet blue eye flicking back towards the den, desperately hoping Meryl would come barrelling out to tell me she was awake, moving, anything. If the birth had ruined the boy for life my panic had probably already done that- he was screwed either way. That just meant he’d fit in all the more with the rest of my perfectly dysfunctional family. Evidently my mind had become so overcome with the events of the day I was beginning to get off topic and delusional. Always a good sign. I waited a few moments longer, the last notes of my howl drifting off before I ducked back down and into the den. Someone would come, surely someone would come. Meryl was lying against her, the boy evidently having kept his promise to stay beside her as I lingered beside the far wall momentarily conflicted. Maybe I wanted to do that to and yet...at the risk of hurting her, hurting my new sons I kept my distance, despite my desperation to touch her. Even so I could still feel her, feel her life, she wasn’t dying, it was strong but it was....fuzzy.

I have never in my life been happier to see a black wolf then I was to see Brooke as she made her way into the den, my own form now towering above the female who had been at my own birth all those years ago. I parted my lips to speak, words catching in my throat when the female spoke herself, moving towards my Stella with something akin to a giant leaf. I didn’t care, nothing mattered, she could cover her in dirt for all I cared- as long as it helped her. I stayed where I was, silent, watching, feeling utterly helpless and useless despite my years of training to prepare for every situation. This had never been part of it, Heyel had never talked about this. Maybe I should have stayed for his mating lecture....maybe this had been at the end, though I doubted it. For all his bloody bravado and long speeches, when you actually listened, Heyel really didn’t say anything, plenty of words, but with very little actual meaning. Brooke’s voice snapped my mind away from these irritating thoughts as she placed some sort of seeds at my paws. Give them to her? How was I supposed to do that? Ok, it’s not Brooke’s fault, that fact that she came means I will be eternally grateful in my own arrogant way and I shouldn’t have snapped at her, but I was stressed, my imprint was bleeding or fainting or doing something unusual and her puppy was looking at me with a judging expression i found annoying and my infant sons were....perfect, so I was a little stressed, ok?

"Eat them?! She’s damn well unconscious, I might not be a healer but I can see that. How is she going to eat them? Where the hell did you get your qualifications?!."

I shoved past her all the same, licking up the seeds, swallowing half of them myself though managing to stop myself from making choking sounds as I padded towards her head, stepping around Brooke and Stella, glancing down at Meryl a moment. He was no help no was he? Was that all he did? Hug her? Maybe we can exchange him for something useful. Again, I didn’t mean it, not really, but stress and I never went well together. I moved to seat myself near Andromeda’s head, eyes softening as I dropped what was left of the seeds by her muzzle, dipping my own head to sweep my tongue across her jaws, trying to wake her.

"Stella, you’re supposed to eat these, a ridiculous request I know but...please?"

Was she even listening? Could she hear me? A snarl rose suddenly in my throat, shocking and so swift I only managed to half choke it back as Brooke reached for the first of my sons. I hadn’t meant to do it, it had simply happened, slammed it’s way out of my chest almost as if it were instinct. She’d reached for him and I’d....growled at her. Odd. I shook it off, flattening the fur against my spine once more, leaving Brooke to do her work even though some part of myself was irritated at her touching them. I was also fairly sure she was re-cleanign the pup I had done. Fine. Be that way, he looked perfectly healthy to me. I snorted, yet couldn’t keep the sigh that eased it’s way from within as she spoke once more, faint grin touching my lips in the gloom as she said all would be well before proceeding to give our further instructions, something about a plant and three days, I hardly heard, I was entirely to relieved. Maybe she didn’t look exceptionally better but....Brooke wouldn’t be wrong. I snorted once more as the healer turned to leave.

"Running around got us into this mess, we won’t be doing it again I assure you and Brooke? Will you.....tell Heyel, about the pups? He’ll want to know but I don’t want to leave so you go stroke his ego a bit more and tell him about his grandsons."

I managed a smile, an actual smile as the healer left. I suppose Heyel had to know, he’d find out anyway. Beside me, Stella murmured, my ears flicking up in the gloom, eyes sliding towards her own features as she rambled before she began to shift and move, reaching for Guardian, pulling him closer, her voice barely a whisper and yet the fact she was awake had delighted me so that I hardly even noticed, the sorrow and guilt within her gaze however was as clear as the gold of her eyes themselves, these feelings radiating through the bond. Why did she feel so.....upset? I frowned, half inclined to shout out her once more for her ridiculous feelings before I managed to keep my own accented tones to a whisper, for everyone’s sake.

"You didn’t fail anyone, stop saying you’re sorry, you didn’t do anything, nothing is your fault, nothing at all. Do you understand? Nothing. Please, just please get better."

I glanced towards Meryl once more, simply seeking to ensure I hadn’t managed to lose him somehow before Stella went on once more. She was probably delirious, I probably shouldn’t have encouraged her, told her just to go to sleep but I never was good at walking away from conversation, even if she was just rambling about her son...our son, repeating the name I’d chosen again and again.

"What? You don’t like it? Why do you keep saying sorry? I don’t even think he can hear you, they don’t seem like they are actually capable of much."

It was probably not the most comforting thing to tell her, in hindsight, that her newborn son couldn’t actually hear her apologise, but i wasn’t thinking, I was just so relieved she was talking that I didn’t want her to stop. She spoke once more, her voice faint and weak again, her attention seeming to slip as I shifted, concerned, worried. She was hurt.....she had been hurt and for as long as I lived I would not forget and I would not forgive, not those who had done it and not myself. I smiled, attempting to reassure her though I was sure it was shaky before lowering my muzzle to kiss her cheek a final time as she seemed to drift back into sleep, murmuring about Meryl.

"Meryl’s right here, look he’s here."

She was gone once more. I shifted, unwilling to wake her as I moved, stepping delicately to move around behind her and lower myself down against her back so I could press myself against her, touch her as I so craved and yet keep an eye on the den entrance as well. I just had the urge to guard it- so I would. I angled my head a final time, seeking Meryl in the dark.

"Sleep if you want, I’m awake, I’ll keep watch and you might as well rest while you can. She messed it up in here and you’re going to help me clean it, plus, we’re going hunting in the morning, you know how to do that right?"

Probably not, it was just one more thing I was going to have to teach him.










AZRAEL

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"5 years ~ No Mate ~ Soul of Andromeda ~ Heyel x Zeivah ~ 41in 177lbs ~ Sire of Starfall & Guardian ~ Diveen "