BUT HOW DO YOU WAIT FOR HEAVEN
AND WHO HAS THAT MUCH TIME
I am...so very lost. Ever since that disaster that destroyed Trenus and killed a lot of family my life had been upside-down. It’s so very often that sometimes these thoughts and clarities and full out wonderings claw their ways into me. They keep me up late most nights. Thinking almost endlessly, about things that happened and things others talk about. I am almost always thinking. It seems like it’s already been so long ago and yet I haven’t figured it out. Are the answers hiding? Are they closing me from knowing, or are they trying to corner me somewhere dark? Or am I just overthinking things again…like some say I do? I wish my mother and father and my long gone full siblings were here, even with Camael and Ramses, it feels…empty. It feels like someone has tricked me, like a big mean prank has been pulled over my eyes. I am surely missing something, I am certain.
No, a lot of my family is dead. I feel like they are still close to me, but not in the physical but in the spiritual and guidance type of thing. I wish I could touch them, I wish I can hear the words they surely speak. I can almost feel their many eyes burning deep into my fur. Do they miss me? I want to be truly happy again, a reason to keep myself going. The problem is who can I trust to give me the right answer? I know who, but they’re dead and gone. How can I love when it seemed so hard to come across? I sit back on my haunches and gaze into the starred sky longingly. Would I live my days as the lone flower of Diveen until I withered away? My once proud and cheerful posture was gone as I sit in the darkness, looking up at the sky. No longer did my eyes sparkle and shimmer and no more did I sing songs to the moon. I am fallen from my own grace. Though I know for certain, one day I will return to what I am meant to be.
I am still alone as night becomes early morning, and never before had I felt so completely and truly secluded. The grass around me shivered and swayed, their color vibrant and that of new life. A silver sigh leaves my lips, my aqua eyes falling from the lightening sky to my paws. I looked at my reflection in the lake beside me and saw the same old thing. Silken and well-kept fur and a delicate face looking back at me. Aqua eyes looking back at me from the water’s surface, from a light russet mahogany face, and raven tipped ears somewhat forward, somewhat back. I’m missing that spark I used to possess, the very thing that brought me happiness and strength. I sighed again and looked away, no longer able to stand my own “woman of fire” gaze. That’s what my father had called it, and I always agreed with every word he ever said.
AND HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND
WHEN YOU KNOW YOU WERE BORN TO FLY
the healer of diveen
three - no imprint - no mate – no children- zack x aerith of old moladion
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