If this were a normal situation, I would be hunting for Natalya, making her rest and take it easy while I take care of her and the unborn pups within her womb. Of course, this is anything but normal. In my turmoiled mind, I possessed a ghost that night, nothing more. No pregnancy, no pups to be born, no mother to be. She is simply a mirage, a vision of the soul I ache for. I haven't been to my den since that day Fathom died before my eyes. I haven't been in Diveen mostly. What's a pack to an emotionless assassin? Just more ropes to tie me down. I can only think of myself as a failure as a parent anyway. Look what happened the last batch. Cordova, Stella, Capone, Ellie, and Fathom. All lost because of my failure. What kind of father can I possibly be? What kind of grandfather? I have yet to truly meet any of the children of Isola and Kane. I have seen them from a distance. Achilles is a rarity, a mixture of the blood of Angels and demons. He has the gold of Kiska in the sheen on his coat with the red of Heyel's line and the black hairs of my own. I'm sure the two she birthed this spring are just as perfect, though I've yet to see them. What good would it do me? Only remind me of what I've lost, or what I've failed to be for my own young ones.

I still think of my lost mate. Will she ever return to me or is this goodbye? Has Kiska found someone else? Has she put me behind her? My heart tears more at the thought and I lash out, clawing at a tree trunk as anger flashes in my eyes. How dare she pull such emotions from me! How dare she take away my choice to say goodbye! I chose her, and I never regretted it. And now she disappears and leaves me broken with no one to pick up the pieces. I can't get my act together and the only other one who can help me has gone, leaving me with a ghost to torment me, tease my senses and my heart. I still think back to those days in Paracon. Kiska and Natalya actually got along for a while, slowly becoming friends but when I chose Kiska, it screwed everything up. If I didn't make a choice, Kiska would have left and I couldn't think of life without her. On the flip side, I can't live without Natalya. What kind of curse is this? Kiska is gone and Natalya too and I live as an emotionless shell of what I was, of what I became because of both wolves. If it wasn't for them, I would still be a cold killer, a king who thinks only of raising an army of other cold killers. Kiska changed all that. She reminded me that I'm more than a killer, more than an emotionless shell. She brought out my emotions, brought out my inner needs. She nurtured me into the samarai king. And Natalya? She brought out the youth I was neglected as a raised assassin. She brought out the other side of the coin, the innocent love of a teenager. And now as a ghost, she shows me that she is still a killer just like me. That she enjoys the twisted torture, just like me.

And there it is, that familiar pang in my gut. What is this? I haven't felt this in a long time, not since she left. I stop, growling low in my throat at this dull pain that only seems to grow. She's in pain, but where? My head snaps around, eyes daring anyone to be in my field of vision right now. I'm on the hunt once more. Sniffing the air, I'm on the run, bolting forward, my strong sturdy legs eating up the ground as I race toward Diveen's borders. I don't even hesitate to run right over them and into the pack lands. Borders mean nothing to me right now. She's the only thing that means anything to me now, now that everyone else has deserted me. I run toward my den, following the agony of her soul and the perfume in the air. A song lights up the sky and my ears prick at the urgency in it. Natalya. It's Natalya and she needs me. I answer the call, my voice something unfamiliar, even to myself. I tell her that I'm coming, that I'm near. She needn't worry. I told her I would always be there. I make it to my den and I can smell her. I'm suffocated by it. My soul hammers in my chest as rapidly as any healthy heart, my body shuddering with anticipation. I move into the den and stop, staring with wide eyes. She's....gotten so big. When did she become so big? I thought it was just a mirage, she was just a ghost....I thought.....oh no. My whole body comes to a stop, shuddering now in fear, fear of what I've done.

The words drip from my lips before I know I'm saying them. I don't know where to go from here, what else is there to say? Could I really be seeing what I'm seeing? Did I really do this? And if I did, why is she still here? Why hasn't she left me? Why would she stay? I don't understand. I just don't understand.