I am feeling the world starting to fade out. I can feel the shadow that is I, starting to blur with the darkness of unconsciencess. The pain was massive around my ear, but at this point it was starting to feel more numb. Maybe if I allow this darkness to take me over, I can be free of this. Maybe. I can feel the sharpness of my own breath as I breathe in and out, the screams of my own body as it races to live. I allow my one good eye to slowly close, and I start to drift off into another place, another time...

But then I hear something. It is distance within this darkness that covers me. It is my name, the name given to me by my mother, the mother I had to leave behind. I want to open my eye to see who it is, who this distant voice is, but I it feels so nice drifting away from my bloodied form. It wasn't until I felt the nudge of another when my eye shot open. It was like a shock of electricity through my veins. I am paniced as my golden eye sees the world again. The pain rushes back as I feel the quickness of my own breathing. It takes a moment, but I do realize that it is Azrael who has come by my side. I have begun to tremble, my body shaking uncontrollably, but so subtly. I notice now that my mouth is open, my tongue dangling in the dirt. I do not move as my golden eye falls on Azrael, I can only breathe in and out. It is hard to understand his words, so very hard. I do feel the need, to tell him what happened. I feel a pull towards the darkness, but I decide to fight it so Azrael can know. He is the only one...the only one who I think would help me and protect me, a pathetic boy like me. My mouth struggles, opening and closing a few times without saying anything at all. Finally though, I am able to speak, though weakly.

"Walk...I walk, with Mother, talk," I say shakily, gulping for air inbetween statements. "Suddenly, from trees, black wolf...black wolf, yellow eyes. Big...so big. So....big...He...He...smell of.....of....Diveen."

My sense of smell and hearing were the best. I tend to notice scents before anything else, and once I got the scent of Devil in my nostrils, I knew it was a Diveen wolf. I had smelled the many scents of Diveen from the shadows. All the trails everyone makes. I know of the scent, and how it lingered here. I know it was a Diveen wolf, but I do not know who. I can only wonder...why. Why was I attacked? Why was it always me? It was then, after my words that another came to me. It was another scent I knew, though it was so hard to smell it through the thick scent of my own blood. Azrael is my friend, my only friend, and I know of his family, even if I do not show myself to them. He has three sons, and now two daughters. This is the older son, this I know. I have trailed the scent before from the darkness when no one is around. I have watched over Azrael's family from time to time when he is gone, just to make sure nothing happens to them...not like I would be any help. Obviously, I am a complete failure at protecting anyone. I had to leave my mother behind, the very mother who left me behind. It seems we are more alike than either of us know.

I remained calm, as calm as I could with blood covering myself and feeling the pull towards the dark side. It was hard...very hard for me to trust anyone at this point in my life, but Azrael had healed me once before. If Azrael was okay with his son around me, then I will be okay with it. I watch as the boy comes to me with a pelt, and I would normally wonder what it is, but I am just too...shocked at my own blood and not being able to feel my ear anymore. I lie still as Meryl comes to me, my tongue once more on the ground. I hear how he tells Azrael to do things, and I try to keep my eye opened and focued on the two in front of me. It is harder to hear than usual, but I do catch all of what Meryl says...about my ear. I...I whine slightly as he says it, that my ear will have to be taken off. I whine but I understand. Ears don't just magically reattach themselves...and I guess the black wolf got the best of it. It sure as hell felt like it. I clenched my teeth as I see him coming in closer to my ear. I do not fear, and I do not struggle, for my body is already worn down. I feel his jaws clamp down and pull, and I immediately yowl out in pain. The yelp is loud, like a siren of sorrow and suffering.

My ear was gone. My eye was gone. Part of my neck was gone. I am only four winters old. I am only now understanding language better and am able to speak on a better level, and yet, I hold more scars and wounds than many in this pack ever will. I am the shadow of suffering. The one whom pain as decided to make friends with. I am the scape goat. And for what reason? Why me? As Meryl works on my ear, doing i have no idea what, I keep my eye open and fixated on Azrael if I can. Fear, pain, and sadness are swirling within my blood stained golden orb. I can feel my body pulsing and the urge to cry, an urge I cannot hold back.

"Az...rayel, I...Why...why....Az why...I...I do nothing. I am good, Ego bonus sum(I am good) Azrael, why...why," I sobbed, my voice cracking on the very last why, cracking and fading into my own sorrowful whine. My body tightens in pain as I sob, knowing I shouldn't but can't really control it. I even speak what little Latin I know to him, just to prove that I am not...dumb, that I may be worth saving. I do not want to show such weakness to Azrael, to his son who is helping me in ways I cannot thank him for properly in my lifetime. I can feel the things that Meryl does to my 'ear', at least I suppose, I can say that. I can still feel for now. I am still alive but I do not know if I want to be anymore.

Maybe a shadow should be just that. A shadow. It is only my light that holds me here, and I know deep down that I have to leave the only one who ever cared to protect her. To give her my life in any case of danger. I must live for her, the girl of Glorall.

Four Years - Loved by None - Following Everchime