 |
I note the tremors of distrust in his body as I rush to him and though I try to ignore it, just the thought of him not trusting me breaks my heart even more. My poor baby boy, what have they done to you? After a moment, I feel him relaxing into my embrace, his head folding over me as he allows me to press myself into his fur and wash his face and neck with affectionate kisses. Fenris, how I've missed him! When I ask of the scars, he stiffens though and I pull back, just enough to see his face. His expression is contorted with puzzlement and finally euphoria. Did he not realize that I never saw him after he ran off on Faol'an and I? He was whole and healthy, maybe two years old when he left me. He must have forgotten that whatever happened to make him this way, it happened after I saw him last. Again, my heart constricts with pain. My poor son. If only I had gone after him, if only I had protected him. Then maybe he would still be the Holo I remember instead of this distrusting wounded creature. He seems grateful to see me and when I mention that I looked for him, something like relief flickers in his two toned gaze. I love looking into his eyes, the perfect mixture of Faol'an and I. There was a time when such a thing would have been painful for me since I missed Faol'an so much. But now that I've seen him again, though that was years ago, before the sky fell, I've come to terms with what happened. I will always have a place in my heart for him but we've both moved on since then. He may never forgive me for choosing another mate in his absence but I will never regret what I did. I know I did it for the right reasons. Holo presses back against me and I lean into his pressure, wanting him to know that I'm here for him, that I'll always be here for him. I feel his nose nuzzling into my neck and I let out a sigh of contentment. In this moment, I am complete and happy. Even without my imprint, even without a mate to keep me warm at night. I have my family again and it feels wonderful. When I ask if the wolf who did this to him received anything in return, my eyes look to him expectantly. Even as a quiet child, Holo was born with his father's strength and I'm sure he can defend himself. Surely he wasn't this wolf's chew toy. And yet his words cause a flicker of confusion and yet more pain to cross my gaze. He paid for nothing. So he didn't fight back? My eyes widen slightly. I can see the flash of shame in his eyes and instantly I regret even thinking that my boy did nothing while this wolf savaged him. I hate seeing such an emotion in his eyes. He should never have to feel ashamed, especially in front of his mother. I reach forward to gently run my nose along the side of his neck, nuzzling him, licking his skin through the thick fur there as I whisper reassuringly in his ear. "Karma, my dear. There is always karma." My voice is low and soothing, wanting him to know that he has nothing to feel ashamed of, that he has nothing to answer for. I wish to take all negative emotions away from him and wash them away with the rain. He grows thoughtful and I try to watch his face, trying to read the emotions within. He's mostly a blank canvas, handsome even with the scars, still my thoughtful boy. At least there's life to his gaze now, some hope and I like seeing there. When he first turned to me, I could see the shadow of who he was staring back at me behind the shock and surprise. He was depressed, worse than, he was numb. The thought tears me up inside. I wouldn't want any of my children to wander around like breathing corpses. That's no way to live. Of course, I've been down that road many a time. Even recently, when Acheron left this world. It took jumping off a cliff and a wolf named Yojimbo to set me right and get me back on track. Of course, we needn't talk about cliff jumping with Holo. I wouldn't want him to get any ideas. I find myself curious of him now. What will he do in Moladian? Where will he go? Does he need a pack to call home? My ears flick forward at the thought. Diveen would take him in a heart beat! I know they would be proud to have someone like him. He pulls back, watching my gaze and I melt beneath that familiar look. It's like staring down at my son again. It's an unconditional love, this mother and son relationship and that's the way it should be. My eyes soften, my forehead crinkling as I smile affectionately up at him. "You've gotten tall." I say with a small smirk. "Have you thought about what you're going to do here? Do you have a pack to go home to?" My words are the words of a concerned mother. I need to know my boy is safe. |