I am a year old and, still, I have no idea who I am. Life has seen to that. The first three months of my life are anyone's guess at this point; those memories were gone since the day I was pulled out of the sea by Alana in Glorall. The last nine months have been but a flurry of indescribable horror and stress. The family that had accepted me into their home was taken from me suddenly; before I even had a chance to know my new brother and father, they were killed by a bear. Only my surrogate mother, Rhoedias, remained. I had but her and Alana left. I was lost for my place in life, let alone Glorall, and even that wasn't enough for Fate. She had to take my home from me, too.

Miracles come in small packages and are often unrecognizable at a glance. When Rhoedias came back from her challenge in one piece, I was relieved not to have lost her. Being uprooted from Glorall, though... It was devastating. I did not want to leave the one place I had nearly come to recognize as home. I did not want to leave my savior, Alana, whom I had become somewhat of a shadow to. But I also knew I could not live under the rule of someone who had brutalized my mother so soon after we had lost Silvertongue and Ravenwing. I lived as a quiet boy in Glorall for the months I was there, but that is not my nature. It was circumstantial silence, humbled by my unfortunate and confusing happenstance. Coming face to face with the wolf responsible for my mother's bloody coat - I know it would have pushed me over the edge, past silence and far beyond respect. If I am judging Tesseract's character by the fact that he challenged a woman so soon after the demise of her mate and child, I can only assume he would kill me for the opinions I would have undoubtedly shed in his presence. In short, when Rhoedias asked me to leave our home behind, I was choosing between life and death whether to follow her or not.

I chose life.

Spirane is beautiful. I cannot deny it that. But I am as lost here as I have ever been. I have been living under Alcide for just over a month and a half, and yet I have not spoken to another wolf besides my mother this whole time. It's not that I am shy; someone as thrown about under the paws of as many wolves as I have been does not have the right to be shy. I just... don't know where to begin.

I have tried to start my life so many times now that I am left to question why. Why should I reach out to these wolves of Spirane? What will be the cost this time around? Will the literal earth crumble under my paws? These monolithic cliffs and mountains are a godly sight indeed, but should the ground open up and swallow them in front of me I don't think I could be caught surprised. It was my memories first, then my family, then my home... The price seems to be growing exponentially. Is it worth buying into?

As jaded as I feel, I know that is no way to go through life. I don't want to live so reserved; I don't want to be so silent. I have no clue who I am, but I know who I am not. I am not that boy; I am not going to let life keep beating me down. This is why I have told Alcide that I would like to be one of his Aquilas. I will learn to better myself so I may protect my loved ones and my home. I cannot change what has happened to me. All I can do is prepare myself in the event that history tries to repeat itself.

I am resilient. My survival through the catastrophe I call life proves that much. But that is the one thing I am sure of. Knowing so little about myself makes me uneasy. The other boys my age know their personality. They know many of their skills and they know how they function with their family and friends. I know that I am good at staying alive, but I have no idea if I can jump high, run fast or pull heavy things. I don't know if I am good at talking to others or what kind of wolf I get along with. I have had nothing to compare myself to, what with being tossed around and mentally imprisoned since my very first memories of washing ashore in the presence of complete strangers. And no amount of training will help me figure any of this out.

I need to know who I am. Every day that passes, I realize more and more just how little I know about myself and I am growing desperate. I am afraid of loss, I know that. But I know that I can get over that. I just need to be braver; I need to be stronger in my mind as well as my body. I want to be a normal boy, maybe get myself into a tussle or two and find some trouble. I am driven toward it as any young wolf is, but I hesitate. The nurture from my experiences is overriding my nature, the one thing I crave in life. I have to let go. I have to let myself be me.

Laying atop a high rising wedge of earth, seeing the early bloom of Spring around me and in the spreading valley below, I try to look over Spirane with a sense of hope. If I am to escape my mental prison, I have to see this place as home. My heart has to be in it. I need to connect and learn how to be a wolf and have faith that, this time, the ground won't give way. But where do I begin? I know nobody.

[[Sorry if it seems awkward. This is my first attempt at first person writing for a character.]]

soul and sky are magnetizing