I am still lost, even in my new home. I am without my soul and my light, devoid of all feelings. The world had become a place of images and urges. Urges to consume for I had to live to see her, to breathe so I could see her. I had tried to search for her, tried to find her but I knew it was lost. To stay too far one way could prove to be going only further away. I knew I had to go where she wished to go, that we would meet up there. Maybe she had needed to take care of something with Mortz. Maybe...maybe a lot of things. I can hardly think of why and how, all I knew was that she was not here...that I must be patient.

I had gone past the pack lands often, searching for any sign of her scent upon the land. I search alone, avoiding the presence of others. I walk in the shadows of the trees, becoming one with my dark frame. I am as a liquid, blending in and morphing with them. I am an extension of their very existence, and I move like an unknown entity when I am among them. I use them to search for her, to take cover from the evils of the world. To remain hidden, only to expose myself to the light that I crave with every bit of my essence, but it isn't the light of the sun. It is the light of my soul.

I stir from my resting spot. The dark world of my dreams fade and bleed into the reality so empty, so cruel. I have no lived here long, Taviora, but I have yet to feel threatened by the pack members themselves. Their visitors? Well.. I didn't want to think of the black beast that took my ear. I stretched, my long limbs feeling the relief it brings. I am hindered by the feeling of sleep still littering my body, and yet I feel a sudden urge to get up..and quickly. I do not know why. I simply know that my body tightens as I lift myself, sticking my shadow of a head out to observe the silent images of the world. My nose sniffs the cold winter air, snow fallen fresh before me. I blink my golden eye a few times, adjusting to the light. Today feels different, my urge to move inside of me growing.

I always check the borders. Always. Every day, even if I am terrified of the prospect of evils coming to rip away a limb or my very heart. I must be there when she comes, for I know she will come. I have to believe, for it is all I have. Quickly I sprint away from my den, my head low and body curled like that of an omega. My dark grey paws fall into the snow, heading towards the border to start my morning rounds.

Yet today is still different, for my urge seems to get stronger with each step towards the border. My heart begins to pump like I have been running for ages. My thin body feels like shaking, my very being just wishing it didn't take so long to reach the edge. I lick my lips, warily looking back and forth in this early morning for peering eyes or screams of devils. It doesn't matter today though, as my paws cold rush faster into a sprint. I would take on any of the demons this day, any of the fangs that wish to rip me limb from limb, if only I could check the border. I feel my breath sharp and harsh as I weave through the trees, reaching the border with much anticipation.

I do admit that I am often this tense when I check everyday. I am endlessly hopeful, hopeless for my light to return. I do not expect anything different, I expect the worst and yet hope for the best. Yes, I hope. I hope as my nose sticks to the white fluff, ignoring the cold as I begin to track along the border near Spirane. I trot through the snow, crunching it below my paws as I move at a moderate pace. I am diligent with my check, sniffing every tree, every leaf that pops up from the winter snow. I check and I check, and I check some more, that is until I see movement up ahead.

Initially, I feel tense, a panic arise in my throat as I freeze in place. It is hard for me to see, hard for me to focus in on who or what that is ahead. I squint my eyes, hoping to focus but the morning light on the snow reflects, yellow orange glory blinding as I attempt to adjust, to see who it is far off and to know if I should run...or, or if it is my light.

It feels like forever as I stand with one paw lifted, frozen in time and space as my heart feels as if it stops. There is the slightest movement, with the bright light adjusting from its blinding, beautiful state to reveal who stands before me, yet so far away. My jaw drops slightly, and the image before me is nothing short of perfect. I wonder if the fates are being cruel, if my mind has slowly withered to insanity and that she is not there. I step forward once, a whine dripping from my mouth. To know she is real, I must go, and even still, I am being pulled in.

I yip, my voice shaking as I rush forward. She does not disappear, does not melt into the shadows like many beasts in my mind. I do not stop until I am right before her, seeing her and smelling her like never before. My tail was, my heart sings, and I wish only to dive into her fur. Yet I do not, I simply stand before her, my withered body of black and grey trembling with joy, hunched over in a submissive state. I dare not disrespect her with touch, but to wait...wait to let her touch me, and that is how...that is how I will know she is real, as whines still escape my lips in anticipation.