It was perfect to feel some form of care and embrace but she hated to know something so great could leave her presence so easily. She had lost the company and care of so many throughout her years. It never grew easier to deal with if anything it got harder and to fact the fact that this time it was her fault made the pain worse. After finally gaining a new companion she cared for she was as on the verge of losing it because of her own nature. She couldn’t help but wish she didn’t have to tell him but knew it was only fair. He deserved to know just as she wouldn’t mind telling Enderly as well.

...But....So.. It means you would let them grow without a dad... If you hadn't met me?” She looked at him with widened eyes as though he had just attacked her. Her ears fell and she backed away slightly. Did he think she was a monster that didn’t care about the children she was to bear…? “How would you think that!” She yelped clearly taken back by his accusing thought. “I may have made a foolish mistake but I would never keep a father from his child! How could you think I am so cruel?” She questioned clearly wounded… she was upset he would think of her like this but she wouldn’t retaliate in wrath. “I have searched for weeks and have been unable to find Enderly. Maybe our in time together we didn’t spark a bond but I would never keep him from his pups.” She had now brought a three foot gap between her and him. She realized just how alone she still was in life and now more than ever was desperate to return to Coza and Everchime… she would not be judged so cruelly by them… at least she didn’t assume so.

“I would never do anything to purposely hurt my children… They have yet to be, and are already everything to me. They are the only thing I can call my own. Why would I hurt something I love so desperately much I would give anything to make their life perfect? Yes, I have been foolish but I am not a monster.” She said her voice only rose slightly on the last sentence clarifying the pain and stress in her tone. “I understand if you do not wish to see me anymore… but I wish you would be a part of your pup’s lives too but I will not force you either…” She said her tone returning to its natural softness as she stared into his eyes. She gave him a moment saying nothing more yet not waiting for his words either. “I wish you could just understand… Just see through my eyes what happened, feel through my heart how I feel… then you would know I speak the truth over my children.” She added turning to walk away a much smaller defeated form from when she had first arrived.

She cared more for her children more than he seemed to understand and to hear his question made her feel worse. What if neither one of them would want to be a part of their lives? What if her children loathed her for her mistakes as they grew? Blamed her for their unhappiness? These thoughts consumed her heart but she couldn’t help hold some twinge of hope one of her children would understand, one wouldn’t hold her sins against her. She could only do her best and hope she wouldn’t be alone in this… yet even so she would still do anything for her pups even if it meant her own life.