I know that she is doing her best to get me away from Diveen. The most part of my mind is still feral, still absent of reason because this is my fall to method when things get tough. I know only that I must be with her, that I must follow, no matter what and not let her get out of my sight. I might enver see her again if she does and this is something I cannot allow. She back tracks and goes through creeks but I stay right on her heels, ever aware of her close proximity, my fur brushing against her own time and time again at my urge to be beside her. She keeps looking back as if expecting stalkers and I find myself becoming more aware of things going on behind us. I keep track of scents that come and go, both of loners and pack members that wander into this area. I remember well the look Stella and Eden gave me and I know that they probably won't give up so easily but I won't go down without a fight, especially if they threaten Kiska. Something tells me she's the only thing I've got right now and I'm leaning on that.

I know she feels it too. I can sense her racing heartbeat from here and it only feeds my own anxiety. It doesn't help that this season used to be our favorite, so many memories of dancing beneath the moonlight and its all I can think about when her fur touches mine. I can also sense her nerves like she's not sure what we're going to say to each other once we get where we're going but right now that's the furthest thing from my mind. I wouldn't care if we didn't talk at all, as long as she stays with me.

Finally the air grows thicker and we find ourselves heading into the dark caverns of the grotto. I don't hesitate to follow her in, somehow aware that this is for our own safety plus I'd follow her anywhere. Once we're inside, she slows but I stick to the shadows, ashamed of my appearance, not because I'm painted in blood but because it is my own blood that bathes me, the blood of a relative. I flinch at her remark about it not being the first or last time she sees me painted in blood. She scoffs as if it's no big deal but my heart is aching for what I did. Calliel will never forgive me. My own son will never forgive me. Stella was probably never going to forgive me in the first place. Isola and Heyel...what must they think of me now?

Her features soften when she tells me that I fucked up and that assasssins might be on our tail. My fur bristles at the thought of a threat to what I just got back. I nod finally in agreement. I can sense her own caution as she keeps looking toward the opening, as if expecting someone and yet she pulls her gaze back to mine. At my question, she sighs and I know already that I won't like the answer she's about to give. I stiffen in readiness, my face impassive, that slate of dullness that means I'm hiding my true emotions. I blink a few times at her reply thought, truly not expecting it. Alias...the wolf in Taviora when we hunted Tobias...the wolf I hunted with only weeks ago. It was her all along. No wonder I felt drawn to her and I remember feeling so guilty about it.

I remember seeing the two toned eyes and wanting it to be Kiska but the markings didn't match. She didn't have the beautiful golden halo. My voice is rough and matter of fact, still trying to mask my true feelings.

"You...hid your marking."

Of course she'll know what I'm referring to. As she moves closer, I hesitate as if about to move away but I can't resist the urge to want to touch her so I hold my ground as she leans forward to swipe her tongue across my lip. That soft purr like growl escapes my throat as my eyes half close in contentment. She moves to my ears, licking and I lean into the gesture, though my whole body stiffens like a board again at the mention of Natalya. I do take a step back now, ducking my head as my eyes get wide as saucers. Why would she be sorry? And yet my heart already knows why because it's breaking all over again, my soul shattering. I feel empty now, unhindered by the attachment I once felt so strongly. I start breathing heavily, trying to overcome the overwhelming sense of loss.

Finally I collapse to my stomach, my legs trembling too much to hold up my weight as I stare at the floor, panting, my sides heaving. Natalya....she's gone. She's really gone this time. When I do look up, quiet tears are trickling down my cheeks as a hoarse voice whispers to Kiska.

"I failed her, Kiska. I let her down and now she's gone."