Flashes. A time blocked from memory. Wolves, a whole pack. It's blurred. The snapping of teeth. Pain. Fear. Panic. They intermingle, adding to other such emotions. Confusion. Blood. Nothing is clear, it's all so disorienting. Don't know what to think, what to do. Wishing to run away from the torment. But trapped, glued to the spot. So small, or young? Looking up into the merciless eyes. Looking up at the bloodied muzzles. Fear, fresh waves. Confusion. It's hard to breath. What's going on? What's going on? What to do? Can't speak. Can't scream. Tears. Agony. What is going on? Help.
I wake with a gasp. It feels like my lungs have shrunk down to nothing and I just can't get enough air in them. It's terrifying, but I can't place what it is. My mind races to try remember what woke me so abruptly from my slumber. Nothing comes to me, no images at least. Just emotions. The fear, confusion, pain... It all scares me beyond belief. It felt so real, that much I know. I feel so off-kilter, like everything in my life has been turned upside down. I feel like I'm not me, like this is not my body and I'm just borrowing it.
When I can finally catch my breath, my mind is still foggy. The thought of Tamlin and Ambrosia so close by in their dens calms me. But something still doesn't feel right. The sun is setting and for the first time I really look around myself. My brow furrows. Something is different. My snout tickles and I inhale deeply. The scent around me is familiar, but something is still not right. Then everything clicks. The last few months come back to me, slamming my feeble mind like a sumo wrestler. All the memories of Kershov and Abendrot and the torture I have thus far endured come rushing back. That's about when I notice the throbbing in my front left ankle. Now I remember. Kershov, in his usual twisted ways, has been beating me for so long now. Yesterday, after letting his anger out on me, I had stumbled, hurt my ankle somehow. Not broken, no, I can still put weight on it. But hurt, maybe sprained.
I had run away from the pack shortly after that. Kershov wouldn't notice right away, I was sure. He himself has slipped away from the pack so often as of late. I just needed to get away from it, Abendrot's walls suffocating me. But I still carry the scent on my pelt. Fresh tears spout from my optics without my permission and I'm unable to stop them. Through their blur, I gaze around me. It seems that I've run as far from my prison as Blossom's edges allow. I feel the cool stone against my back and shiver.
The stones, many of them streaked with blood, stand tall around me. I used to be afraid of this place, I remember. But these days, I live with nothing but fear and sorrow. The only company I get any more is the Kershov and his harsh bite. When I'm on my own, thoughts of what feels like a different lifetime consume me. I think of the life I used to live, full of happyness and pride. I think of the pack that was more like a family to me, the only one I've ever had. I think of Ambrosia, the ebony ess having been my closest friend. And, of course, I think of Tamlin, my king, he whom my heart adored. But when I think of such things I think also of their fall. How Bright Moon is now a whole new pack. How Ambrosia disappeared again like she always does. How my family is scattered or gone..... How Tamlin has died. This crushes me every time, breaking my heart again and again. As if it wasn't ravaged enough, it gets torn apart each time the thought crosses my mind.
And so here I am, pain racking my too-skinny body, fear casting over my darkened soul. I lay among the stones, feeling weak and insignificant. I feel like the whole world has given up on me and I feel as if I have let Tamlin down, even now. The only being that I have ever truly loved and here I am without him and without any guidance. I feel so lost. Maybe that's why, when I hear the dark cry rip through the air close to me, I follow it. I struggle to my paws and I move towards it, weaving between the sentinels of stone. Then a form, so dark I nearly mistake it for a shadow, comes into my sight. I halt and honestly, I can't bring myself to do anything but stare. With the full moon pressing upon my matted back, I just stand there with my head slightly cocked like I always did when asking a question. And I wait.
destroy me
female | adult | ravaged heart | residing in Abendrot | CRS
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