fourteen - no heart - Heyel's soul - Spider of Spirane
sister of warlow, dam of sven *adopted*
this is her in blackouts

Beneath the stars with him with the nighttime noises humming in the background there is a hushed sense of expectancy about them. As if they both know where this will take them and perhaps they both do. It is a tentative touch between them and a sighed breath, only the uncertain knowledge between them keeping them apart and the buried fears that rest in their chests. Listening to his own story relieves some of the unknown and if one pays attention such stories tell many details. There was obvious a devotion to Doe that he had felt, the whole reason he had left, but Natu wonders how any mother could leave her son. A father does not have as close of bonds at times, she has seen this first hand, but a mother... there was nothing that could separate her from her own children long ago. Except death. Death always did have a way of ruining things.

What is done is done. She knows as well as him the feeling of guilt that could entrench itself on a body. Before she begins to tell him of her story she feels Fenrir shift and can feel his own spine pressing just slightly against her hips. The connection, shallow and bare, has her blood racing and her heart thrumming. Her breath feels short. It is a state of being that she has not been in for a very long time. The adrenaline of knowing possibilities were opening up around her. She missed such a feeling.

Then she begins her own tale and that feeling diminishes in her own sadness. Lately it seemed all she did was rehash the past. It left behind a bitter taste of ashes within her and an ache that she had hoped would ease with time. It hadn't eased so much as been hidden. Her own head shifts across her paws so that her eyes can look upon Fenrir's as he too lays across his paws and listens. He is a good listener - she likes that. He does not interrupt.

There is a determination in his pale eyes as they lock on hers. She notes the hackles on his back with a faint sense of pleasure. Natu has long taken care of herself but what would it be like if another could help take care of her too? Ease the burden of life with a simple touch, a kind word, an understood promise.

Fenrir seems uncertain for but a moment before his black muzzle presses into the shocking white of hers and Natu feels a shudder rack her body. It is as if she has been waiting for a moment like this for a long time, for someone to touch her and release all the tension that has built and built over the last decade. She finds that she wishes to both cry and shout in this moment. She does not pull away from his touch, instead she leans into it before he speaks and she smiles, pleased by his words. Fenrir is no contemporary romantic yet she likes the way he talks. He does not dismiss her claims. Does not tell her that she should move on and forget the past. He consoles her and Natu lets him because she has needed such words for a long time.

Staring into his eyes at his last phrase she finds that she cannot breath. To say yes would be a simple, easy route. The knowledge of what could be between them - she is certain Fenrir means what he says. That he would be a loyal mate, the kind that she would not regret choosing, but she remembers Sven and it holds her tongue. She wouldn't make her decision based on what he thought of Fenrir per say, but it would be best if Sven knew of this proposal before things were decided, and she really did wish to know what her son thought of such. After all it had been just the two of them for the past two years and their relationship had only recently begun to mend in a healthy way.

So she slowly reaches her own maw out and presses it into the thick fur in his chest, her nose pressed into the crook where his jaw meets his neck as she breaths him in. So short of time to feel so connected, she thinks. "We are not all good, Fenrir, but I'd like to think I am not that bad either. I'd give anything to have such chased from me but I do not think it wise to answer such just yet. Such decisions I cannot make in haste. You understand, do you not? I will have your answer soon enough."

She pulls away now, searching his eyes.