Would I have gotten as big as this male if I had been healthy enough to run from him? If I had not gotten sick, I would be wrestling and playing with my siblings, I could run and jump and pounce on mice. Maybe next time I will not be ill, if there is a next time.

As things are, I shake and wheeze beneath the paw of the merciful beast above me, maybe I will be like him next time. A mercy killer, a wolf who takes weakness and suffering from the world of the predator. I understand so much more in my youth than I ever would have learned from life, my feverish mind making movies in my head that I could relive as if they were memories. With his nod, I know his mind has comprehended what I thank him for, and a small, pain filled smile spills across my face before I cough again. Rattled and broken my eyes close, I know I can not go on living this way, and so I surrender. Self-preservation tries to kick in as I feel his lips on my neck, legs kicking feebly in the sand and as his fangs grasp my fur and skin I let out a gurgling shriek with my last breath. It hurt, it was like being set on fire and doused with gasoline afterword, expecting the relief of water only for the flames to explode into further heat. But, then, there was nothing.

Things always got worse before they got better, and as my neck is broken by Underidge, I know my mother was right. My spinal column is severed with the force and like a light, I am put out. It was an odd thing to be separated so forcefully from one's body. There one moment and out the next, I watch from just above my body as Underidge retreats from me, leaving my body for the pack to find and watching from the shadows. The first thing I realize as I stare at my tiny broken form on the ground is that I was a very pretty puppy, the second is how beautiful I would be if I had all my weight, if my fur was not so dulled, if my eyes had not been scourged by the sickness I faced. It was a sad life I left, and only this brings me peace when I am still so full of emotion.

It is not so bad I think, but I know I will be found soon, I know I have to leave now. I turn and walk my healthy spirit away, knowing I could not face their sadness, I could not face the chorus of mournful howls that will erupt from my parents' throats, or the pack's if they even really care as they are supposed to. I must go before tears flood the beach. I am heavy as I move away, sadness clogging my spirit and while I feel better, I know this will hurt everyone in my family. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Goodbye, family, I will return to you one day.

I love all of you and hope you the best of things and the best of health.