I know I am off. There is something not right with me. I feel as if I am too heavy to move. My limbs ache all over. I am young I am nearly an adult and yet I am acting as if I am feeble, old and dying. Perhaps that is it. Perhaps I am dying and this is what dying feels like. Well it is not fun I can assure you of that. I feel so helpless as the older wolves all sit around me. It is embarrassing. To be seen as a weakling. Mother would be ashamed. I haven’t seen her in a very long time. Not since she informed me my Father was dead. I did not cry. I did not shed a tear. I understood why his presence needed to be eradicated. She seemed free and happy. Although I think she was happy. I really haven’t seen her happy before, or sad, or angry, she was always just...apathetic. I try replicate in my mannerism. I am quiet and I speak softly, but I don’t show any facial movement. It is not easy and it is not hard to do so. It is more like a habit. But there are some wolves that I enjoy their company that I show a bit of emotion at least to show that I care. Though right now I am the center of attention and I absolutely despise it. I wonder if that is why Mother sticks to the shadows and does her nefarious activity without anyone noticing, because she doesn’t like attention either. I can hear Aithne’s growl as she claims I am not weak. Yet I can barely lift my head as I whimper softly.
“Yes I am Aithne. I am one of the only wolves within this pack that got sick…because I am weak. That is why Mother left me.”
It is amazing how much the loss of parents can have a significant great amount of contribution made to the shape of a small pup. I was left alone. I should feel the love of both parents, I was supposed to be cared for. Yet when I was small and vulnerable I had to fend for myself within the swamps. The swamps helped me survive, I overcame any obstacle or any threat to my life. I dodged the alligators and whipped around the snakes that were coiled deep within the reeds. I was only two years old when I ventured out of the swamps and traveled to the different territories. Sure I got attacked in Diveen by Tobias, but they allowed me safe keeping and protection for a few weeks as I healed. I have done a lot in my young life, all to try and prove to Mother that my existence matters, I had hoped she would come see me. So she can see what I have made myself to be. I am a pup and I hold a high spot within this pack she swore my soul to.
As I lie here on the ground I think back to the white wolf. As Sen provides me these odd smelling seeds I begin to chew them, my tongue sticking out with sheet disgust. The taste is revolting and yet I swallow, shaking my head as if to make the taste go away. My violet eyes flick towards the Alpha of Taviora embarrassed that his presence is in my own and I am acting like this. My crimson ear flicks back and forth as I hear Avery’s whimper and I cannot help, but whimper in reply. I struggle to lift myself on my paws eager, filled with new determination to find the white wolf I had met this past summer, I think it will do me well. I don’t know where he is, but I feel like I must go to him. He made me feel…something, and I am not sure what that is, but I am sure I need to go to him. Yet when I take one step forward I fall to the ground with a loud oof. A ragged sigh escapes my muzzle as I close my eyes trying to find that spark that would lite me, that would encourage me to get up and move, but I find myself far too tired. The Medicine Wolf speaks and I slowly shake my head in the dirt in disagreement, not because he could not stay, but because he was not the white wolf I needed to see.
“But you aren’t the white wolf. I do not think he would be pleased if you stayed with me. I think I need to go to him. I will find him and he will heal me then everything will be okay. Thank you, but you may go back home.”
Clearly she was not in the right mindset and Sen should disregard her comments.