As I lay within my sorrow mixed with the tall reeds there is no shame that I feel. I do not care what my pack mates think of me should they stumble upon my grief. My pack does not care for me. Only two members do, but the rest do not care whether I live or die. They did not come and see me when I was much younger and smaller. They left me alone. I struggled. I climbed. I made something of myself and still I do not know them and they do not know me. Perhaps this is why Mother never associated herself with a pack. How the hell should I know? I don’t know much about her and yet…I desperately want to. Why do I allow myself to fall into this despairing hole! I ought to not be doing such things to myself, but I cannot help it. A natural need was not met. Children needed to be nurtured and I received no such thing. Perhaps my Mother was incapable of such a thing, and I shouldn’t blame her for that, but it wasn’t easy. It is a good thing that I learned quickly that I could only rely on myself, but every now and then I just needed support, I need someone to just…care. I don’t want someone to care for me just because they have to, Aithne cares for me but she is my Alpha, Avery does because we are both close to the Alpha and Andras, but I need something more. I don’t know what it is, and I am not sure I will ever know, but there is something I need…and I don’t think I’ll ever receive it. Whatever it is.
As I wallow within my despair I can hear the sound of massive paws pressing down in the snow and mud, the sound of a form moving through the reeds catches my attention. I quickly bury my ebony head underneath my crimson paws as I force my skinny and frail frame into a tighter ball. I do not want to be bothered – not right now. I need to deal with this, alone, because that is all I know. I shouldn’t be here. I should be out there by myself, like Mother, maybe then she’ll see me. I hear a soft whine and my right ear twitches and yet I do not move. I don’t want to know who trespassed me on my time of grief. I just want them to go away. I don’t need them, I don’t need anyone, I can do everything on my own. Sad and frustrated I let out a soft whimper, but I am shocked to hear this other wolf whimper back. Puzzled I lift my paws from my head, but before I can see who it is I feel something wet slap my forehead and travel behind my head. My violet eyes would widen and I would see this enormous red and white would, with intense dark crimson eyes that carry such violence and trimmed with the darkest black. I know these terrifying eyes. I feel her rough pink tongue slide over my forehead again and I simply stare at her stunned. When her right leg wraps around me, I can feel her pull me towards her and I begin to panic. Is she tasting me? Is she trying to eat me? I need to get away, but for some reason I feel this need to stay and that everything was okay. I gave her food last time and she seemed satisfied, but here I am without any other creature to eat – I was chosen. Yet I still feel this weird feeling that I was meant to stay underneath her leg and allow her tongue to lick me…even though I swear she is just ‘softening’ me up before she tears into me…but I can feel my form start to relax as if – this is good.
No. No. That was the grief talking that was the doubt telling me to accept my fate as Death crawls close. I will be eaten tonight. I will be taken from this world without a second thought. I will be remembered as the one who died, the one who was eaten, and then I will be forever forgotten. Maybe I will see Father…maybe he will take me in. Yet as I continue to lie here, trapped, I can feel her muzzle and tongue poke at my head and ears and I cannot help, but crawl on my belly closer to her. Burying my face into her chest I whimper softly. I guess she is not tasting me, she does not want to eat me, and yet I cannot understand why she is doing this. It is when she pokes at my shoulder, the one that bares Tobias’ teeth marks, the old wound healed, and yet every now and then some force on it caused me some pain. My russet trimmed ears fall back in a nervous manner as I look into those dark fiery eyes. I slowly move my muzzle forward, sniffing her, seeing that she is healthy and okay. I don’t understand why I should care for this loner, but she was being kind to me. I’m not really sure what I am supposed to be doing after she licked me so I poke my muzzle underneath her own, in an endearing and submissive way as I gently lick the side of her jaw. I am not at puppy sized anymore and yet I place my head into her chest and close my eyes. I do not mind how her leg and paw are over my back. A muffled whimper can be heard as I feel warmth and an odd sensation of comfort wash over me. I do not want this wolf to leave me…I think, I think I need to be with her.