maybe

(music ^^^^)

He is more patient with me than I could ever deserve. He is strong where I am weak, his presence helping to carry me with him. There was a silent understanding that seemed to speak more than words ever could in these moments. His touch was comforting in a way I had not felt in a very long time; since the last time I touched Eric. He pulls me with him past the border, not allowing me to waiver with my hesitance long. The tempests he creates with his breathe distract me from the lingering darkness inside of me. I feel as though I could show him my world, allow him to pick apart every piece of me and he would not turn his back on me.

My words were stones upon my tongue and with all my might I pushed them past the walls within my mind. His nod gives me the reassurance that my confession will fall upon trusted ears. It is a secret that I know will stay between me, him, and the moon and stars. Yet my voice is still a hushed whisper, as though the moon and stars will skew their judgment of me and whisper to the world in the form of constellations. Despite his slight motion of surprise, I continue, unable to stop my words and emotions from spewing out like a waterfall after a rainstorm.

I do not know of his relationship with his imprint, or how, in some ways, we share similarities. I only know that through all of the magic of the imprint bond, there is an underlying curse. Fate had gifted me one of the most difficult bonds, one that would twist, tangle, bend to the point of breaking, yet never break. All the light that he possessed was skewed by lakes and seas, their shadowed surfaces a dark barrier between the good inside of him. No matter how much I tried to swim past that darkness and to expose the light within him that the world had determined that only I could see, he would push me away. And now there was Seline, dripping her poison deeper into his blood until he had ever turned away from me, refusing to even listen to my attempts to spark a realization within him. She had cut her silver dagger between us, wounding me in the process; and she would not be satisfied until she killed me.

He presses his shoulder onto mine once more, reaffirming the connection between us. He presses me forward, trying to keep me moving deeper into the mountain that I had returned to after so long away. Only now does he finally break his silence. “There is no rule or measure by which to gauge what a family is,” his voice is so strong and firm, and it feels as though he can carry the whole mountain on his words alone. “When I had pups, it was with my imprint, but she raised them without me, with her mate. I am a part of their lives, but not so much as she and her mate.” He speaks of his imprint, the family that she started with his help. Opening up a door to his life for me to enter, to distract myself from the constant turmoil of my life.

“You will not be alone here, Ailith. You will have me, and Daenerys, and the rest of the pack for support. And your pups will have friends, for there are other mother-to-be’s upon the mountain this winter.” he says, eyes never leaving me. Yet he does not need to look, for he was born and bred on this mountain and he and his family knew it better than anyone. There was so much honesty in his words, that not even the darkness within me could cloud my mind enough to not believe them. "Qujannamiik" (thank you) I say, my words like an exhale of so much weight on my shoulders. Though he may not understand the language, the meaning was universal and he would know by my tone alone.

I fall into an almost peaceful silence, content to just walk with the sounds of the mountain and him beside me. Every now and again my eyes shift from the path to him, until finally I open up another door to my life, for him and him alone. "Her imprint, he is not of the light. She has seen him kill and feast upon other wolves, pups even, yet despite this, there is a goodness within him. There is a light that allows him to be gentle, kind, compassionate, and most of all, loving," I say, and my voice is almost distant as I walk and talk. "But," I continue, voice taking a more grave note to it and head lowering to shadow my face, "his eyes are too clouded to see this. And no matter how much she tries to clear his vision, he just can't seem to look hard enough or long enough. And now the female that he has chosen to be his mate is poisoning him beyond saving....."

There is a slight edge to my voice, a hint of hatred burning at the edge of each syllable and singing my sentences. "She has turned him completely away from her. Seline wants her dead, to feast upon her flesh in victory, but she does not dare sink her teeth in. He will not allow her to do so...," I finish my story, allowing us to fall into silence once more. I wanted him to know, and maybe I was selfish in wanted to know his take on my troubles. What would he say about Eric? Could he offer me anything other than this dead end that I have been trapped at for so long.

10 years | loveless | tied to Eric | Spirane | ♥