s a b r i e l
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He couldn't help his feelings one way or the other, and it was a conflict. It was more of one when he really realized how he felt on the matter of Micteca's chosen path. It had not dawned on him until then how deeply he was affected by what she wanted to do, what she probably would do. Maybe she'd killed before and there was no way of knowing that as true or not. But all this time, Sabriel had never really believed that Micteca would be a killer. He knew what she was doing when she was training, and in the back of his mind he knew what it meant, but.. it hadn't sunk in until just now, seeing those wounds on her and hearing what she'd said of the attack. He felt blindsighted to it all, and that was on top of the initial conflicting feelings within him.

That wasn't how he had felt since the beginning. In the beginning, he hadn't let himself believe that Micteca would ever really harm others just because she was commanded to do so. Perhaps he let himself understand the true meaning of her path in life now because he had been trying to let go, and here she was after all this time. She had told him that she had completed her training, and that in itself meant that she was probably ready and willing to kill someone else. Maybe for no real good reason at all, other than someone else wanted it to happen. That didn't sit right with Sabriel. He didn't like violence on a normal scale, but to be an assassin? That was worse. Killer for hire; what was worse than that? What made them any better than the cannibals that ran around?

The way she looked after he had spoken didn't sit well with him, and he was upset that he had made it happen. That had not been his intention, and he felt bad for it. That didn't change how he felt about her way of life, but he wasn't trying to hurt her by what he felt on the matter. It was just so difficult to deal with the fact that she had wanted to be that kind of creature, that she had chosen to be that rather than to be something better. But it was still her choice, and Sabriel couldn't do anything about it. There had never been anyone else for him, he had not taken another mate, did not feel anything romantic for his imprint.. had told himself he wouldn't fall for anyone who couldn't understand his need to be a gypsy. His heart had always belonged to Micteca.

He peered back towards her when she called his name, and when she spoke of finding a friend, he knew that she wanted to leave. He knew that he couldn't stop her from going, and he just lets that settle in the pit of his stomach. "I missed you. There's never been anyone else..." He paused for a moment, wondering if he should contintue or leave it as it was. He decided just to go on;-- "I wish I could be colder and meaner, that I could look at death and killing without hurting, that I could be those things for you and with you, but I just can't. And then I also wish you could be softer and wild and be with me, but I know you can't, or don't want to. It hurts, you know." He said it all quietly, calmly. They were on opposite sides, and all he could do was watch her go.


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male -- eleven -- mate to none -- soulbound to anemone -- gypsy