There is no better way to know us
than as two wolves, come separately to a wood
Tolinka moved closer to him, a yearning in her for him to continue speaking. And just as she was about to touch her muzzle to his neck, so that she might breathe courage into him, he moved again, looking back at Sinopa. This time, Tolinka stamped down on the ugly beast that raised its heavy head inside her. She had never loved another as much as she loved her twin. It wasn’t fair to shut her out now, but oh how she wished Sinopa could see. How she wished she had the words to explain why. Something had broken her years ago, and she had come to this moon pool to heal. She had pretended for so long that she was okay, because she had to be strong, but even if she could still fool Sinopa, she could no longer fool herself.
Sinopa’s ears turned back for just a moment when she watched Asche glance behind at her. Had he somehow sensed what she was thinking, that her greatest fear was to be left behind? She looked away, not brave enough to meet his eyes. She saw more than Tolinka thought. That this stallion was being invited to become an important part of her sister’s life. She wanted to be happy, she really did, but there was no joy in her. Secretly, Sinopa had carried a hatred within her, and had nursed it all these years. Somewhere along the way, the hatred had turned into a fear as well. If one such as Tolinka could be broken so easily, what chance did anyone else have? Sinopa feared that she’d fall to her knees and never find the strength to rise again. She felt a tremble in her bones, didn’t want Asche to see it, nor Tolinka. It was with relief that she realised that neither one was looking at her now. With the relief, came a ripple of something soft and sad.
The black and white mare lowered her gaze, watching the stallion’s reflection as he studied it himself. His words struck a chord within her, and she felt happy. The warmth inside her was enough to convince her that her instincts, her intuition, were right. “Happy,” she murmured, thinking about what his words had meant. Asche, he seemed to want the same thing as she, though, she couldn’t help but wonder what else he wanted, and managed to stop herself from glancing back at Sinopa. There were some paths that led from this place that would not result in happiness. She only wished she had the wisdom to discern those paths, her and Asche both, so that none of them would get hurt. “I would have you be happy, Asche. That is something I want, too. But not for myself. I want that for you.” Her words were gentle, now, like her breath as it mingled with his in the cooling night air.
The bay mare hesitated, feeling very much out of her depth. Toli’s words, and then the question that Asche had directed at her left her feeling unsettled and adrift. She tried to think of something sharp to throw back at him, for he seemed to like words with a bit of bite. But she could think of nothing to say, aside from the simple truth. “Yes.” The memory of another face flickered behind her eyes, and she reached for it with both hands, regaining a little of her sense of self. And, had she detected something in his eyes, that he had kept veiled in his voice? “We’d love to visit,” a subtle stress on the last word. “We’ll find our way back to you shortly, Asche. We just have to let a friend of ours know where we’ll be.” There, the confidence that made her shine was coming back. With an elegant dip of her head, she back up and turned around. There was no sound from the water.
Looking behind, she saw Tolinka standing with her head raised high – in defiance? Stubbornness? The bay mare was aghast – her twin would really choose a stranger, a stallion over her? She felt her composure beginning to crumble, but she held fast, unwilling to let Asche see how much this was hurting her. In desperation, she did the only thing she could think of, hoping beyond hope that it would bring Toli back to her. “Ahanu!” Sinopa called out to her sister, an edge to her voice. The word served as a warning and a plea. Tolinka flinched, visibly affected, but still she did not follow. “No,” she said again. But Sinopa was already turning away again, choosing to leave her for the first time in Tolinka’s memory. “I will be okay this time, sister. Stay safe, and come back to me.” The bay glanced one last time over her shoulder, snorting softly, and then the darkness of the night took her for its own.
Tolinka drew in a sharp breath and moved to Asche’s side, touching him for the first time, the length of her patchwork body pressed to his, as if silently seeking comfort, for despite the tension that had sprung up between them, she already missed her sister with a fierceness that threatened to take her breath away. The silence grew too heavy for her, and she struggled to find words to break it. “Ask me,” she whispered hoarsely, desperate for a distraction, needing to hear his voice again. “Ask me something, Asche. Please.” Her words were strained, fragile. A deep breath filled her with the scent of the stallion beside her, and a calmness settled upon her for a time. “Do not think the words, feel them, deep inside. Let them rise and set them free. Those words are the ones that matter the most this night.”
SINOPA + TOLINKA
the fox && the hound
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