_________________________________________________________________________
Pain was not something that had ever bothered the brute. Sometimes he even liked it. It helped to center him, helped him focus, helped him feel alive. He had learned to shut it out from a young age, both the physical and emotional kind. It made life easier to not show your vulnerable side, and pain only made one seem weak. Training had made it easier to take on the physical pain, learning how to defend himself and fight back. Being the bastard of the group he always got the short end of the stick, being told to take more to let the others learn. He had been angry at first. For a while anger was all he had. He had grown violent and hostile, lashing out at those he had considered friends, but he now knew that they were not. The brute had learned that training on his own would be more use to him, working with others did no good to him, or so he thought. He learned how to take physical pain, and now he could do it without flinching or making it physically known he was hurting.
It was easy enough to just turn off his emotional side as well, which in turn eliminated any emotional pain he felt when he was young. Sometimes things bothered him more than others. Memories of his father and brother, Grey Wind, sometimes made him miss home, but he was always able to easily shut that out. One of the only feelings that he had not been able to get rid of however was the feeling of being unwanted. He knew that love was not something that existed in this world, he thought it had for a time, but that was when he was young and naïve. There was a difference between love and being needed though, and sometimes he wanted to feel wanted, as pathetic as it was. It only made himself hate himself more when he got caught up in this feeling, of being wanted and needed and accepted. Ghost knew that he would never truly be accepted or wanted anywhere, or by anyone. If his own family couldn’t do that then there was no one out there that could, so why even bother? Why let it get to him and make him feel this way when he knew there was no way to fix it? What bothered him the most sometimes was that he couldn’t make this feeling go away, it was stuck with him for some reason, like a parasite sucking his life away.
When he felt the pain on his muzzle from the other beast’s fangs it made him feel more alive than he had felt in a long time. There was something different about someone else inflicting pain on him than him doing it to himself, something he had unconsciously caught himself doing more than once in his moments of weakness. The blood stained his snow colored muzzle, an area of his body that had been untainted until now. As the other male back off, Ghost took a moment to puzzle over what had happened, taking in what he had been forced to do. His paws backed away from the other being, but he was followed, closely. The two stayed within mere inches of each other, noses almost touching as the two locked eyes. They were close enough that the titan could see some differences in each other that he had not noticed before. His own orbs were the same color throughout, a dark crimson, colored like the blood that ran through their veins. The other being though, his had more substance to them. His portals were darker, lined with silver, a unique coloring that Ghost thought no one else would ever be able to match. He could feel the blood that was no trickling down his muzzle, pooling under his chin and dripping to the dirt. His tongue slithered out, cleaning up a bit of the thick substance before he was distracted by NeMO once more. After moments of silence between the two NeMo finally spoke up, not answering the question that Ghost had asked. “You tell me.” He didn’t know what the goal of NeMO’s stunt had been, so he remained silent, continuing to stare at the other male, but not in a threatening way, in a confused and curious way.
Even though the pair exchanged barely any words, Ghost had more of a connection with his pack mate than he had had with anyone since he had left home. They were able to stand in silence with neither growing uncomfortable. More often than not others were thrown off by his silent ways, and it was hard to make friends with those that didn’t understand you, and it was never worth his time to make them understand, so he always left. But somehow, NeMO was different, He understood more about him in their scarce encounters than others had when they had traveled with him for years. He was not sure what that meant about the other white beast, but it confused him. The other male was the one to break the silence again, as Ghost had not spoken again. “Why is it that I can’t avoid you?” Well now he was even more confused about this one. He had no idea what it might be about himself that apparently attracted NeMo, but whatever it was he was not upset about the fact that the other male had found him. The words made him feel awkward though, unsure what it was that Ghost was supposed to say or do, shuffling his paws awkwardly but not moving away from the male. It was clear that NeMo would not allow distance between them right now, and Ghost was comfortable enough with him that he didn’t mind for once. He did the only thing he knew what to do and remained silent. That was always his go to when he wasn’t sure what to say or do, remain silent and show no emotions. He was only able to complete one of those tasks though. Silence was easy, but his eyes showed his confusion and emotional turmoil that the other male was causing, and his audettes twitched as he tried to process what the other male wanted of him.
NeMo got even closer to him, if that was even possible. Ghost stayed still, not rigid but in a comfortable stance, and then NeMo spoke once more to him. “Don’t. Move. I’ll bite you if you pull back.” He was not sure why he felt the need to add that in, he hadn’t moved away from him at all and had made no aggressive moves towards him. The only one that had caused blood to be spilled was NeMo. ”No need to be rude.” He grumbled out, but remained still as he had been the entire time after NeMo followed his steps. What he did next surprised him, but he was learning that this male was full of different surprises. His tongue came out, and began to clean off the blood he had caused, starting at his chin before working up to the wound itself. At the first touch of his warm tongue, Ghost stiffened, unsure of what was happening. The only time he had ever seen vargs clean each other this intimately was between lovers or close family. The only time that he had ever had a moment like this was with another female, one he had thought he loved. But that was when he learned that emotion was a lie, one used as a cruel torture to others. Part of him told him to run off, that there was something different about this lupine, but another part of him said to stay. This was the first time that another being had shown any emotion to him, and now he had a connection with NeMo and he couldn’t just ignore that. After a few moments his body relaxed, the stiffness leaving his joints, red portals stuck on the male that was practically on top of him now.
After a few moments, NeMo let out a ragged breath and he could feel the male shiver next to him. This was not just him cleaning off the damage he had done, this was something else. Something that Ghost did not fully understand yet. But Ghost had no desire to leave the other male’s presence, so he patiently waited until NeMo backed off on his, putting the smallest bit of space between them once more. Red portals looked at their almost twin as the other male spoke up once more. “Be mine.” The words didn’t make sense to Ghost, and his pinna swiveled to make sure he had heard the words correctly. Those were words one to would say to a mate, to a lover. But that was not what they were. He had no idea what they were. Friends? Pack mates? Something more? Something different? He had no idea, and had no idea what to say. He knew this was something that he couldn’t remain silent to however. ”I…what…don’t…” He often rambled when he was unsure what to say, his vocals coming out hoarse and he paused to clear his throat. ”I don’t understand what you want of me, NeMo.”
________________________________________________________________________
**Ghost**Brute**Loveless**Fatherless**Andere Seite **Adult**Bastard Brother to Summer, Grey Wind, Lady, Nymeria, Rickon**Violet
|