I am fairly certain I am pregnant.

My frame was always so small anyways that I began to notice the changes relatively quick. The way my belly seemed tight after a meal, the way I grew nauseous more often, although I couldn't quite tell if that was due to my 'ordeal' or if it was a pup within me. All I knew was that I was scared. I had never felt such a fear, not even when Carnifex had almost abandoned me the first time, not even when he had threatened to kill me in the very beginning. Because I didn't know if it was his or that vile males. Neither would my beast, who had been so furious to find me in tatters, and I still wasn't sure what he thought. Did he hate me for it happening? Did he blame me or that wretched animal? I was weak, we both knew it. That was why it had happened because I was weak. There was nothing I could do to stop it.

Yet I had promised Carnifex a brood of his own but now we were at an impasse because what grew in me was a mystery. It was a small litter, of that I was certain, because I did not grow overnight like some wolves. I tried to hide it as best I could, tried to swallow back down my hacking until he would leave our makeshift den to hunt and I had yet to ask for seconds, even when my stomach settled and I craved more. It didn't matter though, the child had begun to suck my life from me, whittling down what little body fat I had so that my skin clung to my bones almost. It wouldn't be long before he would notice.

Would he kill me, finally? I wondered, even when I pressed up to him with that tension in my frame, if he cared for me anymore. If he would lay into my belly and rip the thing from me, just to be safe, and maybe that was why I don't tell him. I... can't pretend to care for it. I just don't want to die for it. Yet could I stand by while he killed it when it was born? The decisions made my days hell, my pink eyes anguished when he left but hopeful when he returned, always trying to keep that shell on me to fool him. And because he really did comfort me, his presence alone, because my heart beat for him, unevenly.

So I lay in the den now, a den packed with the wretched herbs I had been collecting on that day, and I shiver. It is cold and I feel as if it bites deep into my bones. I need his warmth yet I do not call for him - my beast would return as surely as the sun would set, but what he would bring with him only he knew.