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"There is no one who loves pain itself, who seeks after it and wants to have it, simply because it is pain..."

I knew this was it but I don't know how I know. It's not like I've ever given birth before. I find myself wondering if Chernobyl felt so confident of her time when she gave birth to me and my two brothers. Did she know she could do it? I wonder if Beowulf was around, cheering her on, or if she went solo. I pretty much don't expect either male to be at my den tonight. Is it sad to say I almost wish I would see at least one of them? I fight back these kinds of emotions, not wanting to seem soft or weak. I may be female but I've never been weak. I made sure Andras never saw me as such and since I've never let anyone think of me as such. Ice cold maybe, even heartless, but never soft, weak, or vulnerable.

That's exactly how I feel when the labour pains started. The first few contractions came as simple throbs but I knew immediately what they meant. I'd been lying low as my body grew because I knew what it meant. Maybe I liked being in denial of what I did last winter. Not that I regret my night with Malum or Arkane. Okay, maybe it wasn't altogether planned with Arkane, but either way, it happened and nothing is going to change that. Emotions ran wild while adrenaline was high and things happened. I'm over it and hopefully he is too.

It's not like I expect anything. I'm not out vying for anyone's heart or trying to settle down. I don't care if I have to raise them by myself. I'll just make sure I don't abandon them like my parents did. I'll be better than that. If it doesn't include a male in their lives then so be it. As the day wore on, the contractions grew worse and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I took to my den, trying to be as quiet as possible. My jaw is clenched tightly and I'm pretty sure I've already bit into my cheek a couple times, trying to keep from crying out as the contractions grow closer together. Soon enough I feel the urge to push and I go with it.

The first is a smaller pup but not miniature or anything like that. As I clean him, I'm pleasantly surprised to see a son as my first born. I've always heard this is a good omen. I clean him up, taking in his mostly white coat with silvery grey markings and some cinnamon brown. I note the brow marks like my own except they're grey and I can't help but smirk. My own coloring doesn't come in until the black of his paws, head and ears. This one seems to take after Malum. I wish I could see his eyes but I guess I'll have to wait till they open.

When I feel the urge to push again, I hurry about putting the first at my stomach to suckle, feeling his gums tighten around a teat and I smile softly. I close my eyes as I start to push, knowing already that his name will be Chiron. The second pup is a completely opposite of the first. She is mostly black and a female, a beautiful one at that. She has grey markings and more black around her head but a beautiful gold tan color around her nose and muzzle. She has the cinnamon red markings I've always been fond of, and she is bigger than the male. She reminds me more of me, but also of Arkane. I smile, knowing that her name will be Undyne.

I clean her up as well as the first and move her to my teats as a third and final urge to push comes over me. I follow the urge and soon enough I'm cleaning up another female, this one mostly white with black markings. She has the cinnamon red on her tail and I make sure to clean that part up very well. She is the biggest pup of the litter, definitely more like Arkane as well. I clean her up and move her over with her brother and sister, naming her Azariah in my mind.

Now that the work is done, I finish what I've started and lay my head down to rest though I refuse to close my eyes until my children have finished their first dinner and curled up to sleep. I listen to the music of their whimpers and grunts, smiling fondly when Undyne yawns or Azariah growls. Chiron is silent for the most part. I couldn't be more proud of my first litter. I wonder to myself if this is what I'll be left with. A legacy of three. Not that it would be bad. I wonder how I'll like motherhood. Will it suit me? Most who know me would probably think I'd fail miserably but those who know me better like Aithne, I bet she'll have faith in me. My eyes remain open, my will stubborn enough to keep me alertly watching the entrance to my den in case any should have funny ideas. I may be fighting an exhaustion I've never known before but fighting is what I live for so why should this be any different?