I had been out searching for something, anything to make her better. She fell ill almost as soon as winter hit… the stupid girl… I couldn’t do anything about it. She was getting worse the colder it got no mater what… coddling… I did to prevent it. Give her food she would puke it up or refuse it completely. She would… apologize. I didn’t know why. I got angry at her I left to find anything to make her feel better, herbs that I was shown by healers, anything I have no idea what took her all I know was I was coming back. I swear I wasn’t gone long but maybe it was days I was out searching for some type of cure or something to make her feel better. I could feel her slipping away, my inner being slowly being dragged out of my body it was like there were only a few strands left when I had decided to do this trip but then it was like… something snapped in me. I wanted to puke and scream with misery, standing out in the open free lands like some psychopath throwing my head about like some wounded prey as a howled with misery.

Gone…

I don’t know what I expected going back. That I was wrong? That I would go to the den and she would be just fine? It wasn’t her first time sick… when that massive disease passed through Moladion she made it through… Surely this nothing I felt was wrong. She would be there, still sick but alive right? I hated her so much for what she constantly did to me, put me through she was everything I hated but she was mine and for that I would protect her. I move limply my russet head low and my black paws dragging. There was no energy in my movements I feel wracked with pain and grief like nothing else eyes blankly looking ahead as I return to the den I had left her in.

I stop not far from the entrance unable to speak. Already I smell it already I know. I should have stopped there, I know I should have it was stupid and I knew it even as I walked forward moving down the almost too small den entrance only to see her form curled up in the back of the den still and motionless upon the countless pelts I gathered her to keep her warm.

”No!!” The word was somewhat lost as I yelled it out snarling at the end in frustration and anger. I knew all along, I knew, but seeing it caused me to snap fully. No longer did I feel broken but rage filled its place. Rage at this world, this life and how fucking unfair it had been to my pathetic imprint. I slammed myself over and over into cramped den’s walls, battering my shoulders and sides against the dirt and rock. I felt myself slipping I wanted to grab her body and beat it against the walls too, but even in death I couldn’t hurt her no matter how much she was hurting me now. I wanted the pain somewhere else… I wanted to feel it anywhere else but this un touchable burning pain etched in my very being. I wanted to hurt someone, anyone if it meant getting rid of this feeling. I don’t even care that tears were forming in the corners of my eyes. I had no fucks to give about anything right now, not myself, not others, I just wanted it all to end.