Posted on 20/8/2016 at 20:46:52 by Gerald
Well, it's hot and miserable, but trust me – it could be worse. Much worse. In New York, for instance, they're dealing not only with heat but with the possibility of the heat making cockroaches fly. Did you know cockroaches can fly? We didn't, and we can't say that learning otherwise has particularly enriched our life, aside from adding something new about which to freak. It seems the little buggers get more active when it's hot, leading to the not-at-all-hyperbolic headline of "People fear the heat wave will turn NYC into a hellscape of flying roaches." Consider that the next time the cat fixates on some bug on the wall and you say, "Oh, it's just a fly."
Speaking of cats, in Nebraska some guy ate four pot brownies by mistake and reacted by "crawling around on the floor, randomly using profanities and calling the family cat "bitch." Which frankly, is a rotten way to treat the pet that's most likely to alert you to the flying cockroaches coming to kill us all.
In Germany some guy having a fit of road rage used a 30-centimeter sausage as a weapon, which sounds mildly terrifying until you convert from metric and realize it's only about a foot long. He did manage to dent his foe's car with it, though, so there's that.
In Sweden two teens playing Pokémon Go stumbled upon two people wearing pig masks who yelled at them and "blasted them with lasers." The story indicates it might've been a laser pointer, but it's light on details and more concerned with getting the particulars right in sentences like "As the terrified teens ran off, the two pig-headed people head to the town's water wheel near Highway 70 in Insjön, causing a traffic jam with their public sex session." Our pals at the New York Daily News headlined this incident "Pokémon Go players terrorized by pig-masked sex session in Sweden" and between this and the possibility of flying cockroaches, we will never feel safe again anywhere.
Happy weekend! May all your encounters with skunks be good ones!
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