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ride upon an omnibus and then the casino, merlin.
IP: 2.27.234.31
Posted on December 24, 2016 at 08:16:55 PM by RUSSELL & SPYRA


let my imagination run away with you gladly,

So here’s what you missed on Glee: Russell had to have a pirate lord (lady?) to back him up whenever he went anywhere in Apeliotes Caves because he’d pissed too many people off, only she went and got knocked up by his estranged father except he doesn’t know that, and then she got caught by the crown anyway, and in order to try and make up for his lost revenue in bully-stolen money he tried pulling off the biggest heist ever but got caught by the king’s guards, and the king happens to be his brother-in-law. I know! Straight out of a telenovela, right?

When Russell was a little boy, his mama told him never to get caught up in piracy. Now, twenty-one years later, he slammed his fist against the bars of the cell which imprisoned him.

“I want my phone call!” He yelled at the two guards playing cards over a low table down the corridor.

“What the hell is a phone call?” One of them grunted.

Russell had never been to Earth, but he’d hung around (read: annoyed) enough Earth-born pirates to pick up a few movie lines. “I don’t know either, but I know I have a right to one!”

The guard grunted again, fanning his hand close to his face. Russell squinted through the bars.

“Don’t play your pair of queens yet,” he called, grinning widely when the guard slammed the cards down on the table. Russell had never been caught by the crown and actually held in a temporary cell before. It so wasn’t as bad as everyone in the caves said it was.

“You’ll be laughing on other side of your face when you get ten years’ manual labour.” The guard snapped, holding his hand close to his chest as he threw his chair back.

Okay, so maybe being caught by the crown was all that bad then. Ten years’ manual labour did not sound like Russell’s cup of tea.

The two guards left, electing to go and sit in an outer corridor where they couldn’t hear the annoying prick in cell 13. Russell waited until they were gone, holding lightly onto the bars, before tapping his temple lightly with two fingers.

“Hello, anyone up there?” He said out loud. Then, in his head: ‘calling Russell headspace, we have a 911.’

There was a long pause. The soft, feminine voice which answered was an octave higher than usual. ‘Russ! What’re we going to do? Aura Almighty, Russell, you got caught - what’ll we - oh Aura - ’

‘Now settle down there, little lady.’ Russell closed his eyes and held his hand out, imagining that he was grasping hold of a zip. ‘Let your Uncle Russell show you how it’s done.’

The voice in his head whimpered. ‘Russell, you can’t break out of a royal prison - ’

‘Bingo.’ Russ pulled the imaginary zip down triumphantly and pushed his hand into the make-believe hole. At least, it would have been make-believe for anyone watching until they noticed his hand actually disappearing into thin air. He leant as far as his elbow, his entire lower arm vanishing, and rooted around for a moment. ‘Gotcha!’

He pulled out a set of skeleton keys and tossed them up in the air, grinning. Carefully, he closed up the imaginary zip and started flicking through the keys, checking them all against the cell’s lock. It took a few minutes of fumbling and trying different keys, but it was worth it for the moment when the correct key slotted into the lock and turned with a satisfying click. Russell reopened his imaginary zip, tossed the keys inside and closed it up before pushing the door open. The only other person locked up on this corridor was a sleeping drunkard who didn’t even stir when the cell door creaked.

“Onward and upward, my friend,” Russell saluted him and crept towards the door which the two guards had gone through.

‘Escaping would be a bad idea,’ the female voice mused. ‘What if you get caught again? What if you’re locked up forever and ever and ever and I never see you again? What if - ’

‘Shhh, Spyra, I’m not trying to escape.’ Russell opened the door to the outer corridor a crack and peeped through. The guards were engrossed in their game.

‘Oh.’ Spyra sounded confused. ‘Then… what are you doing?’

‘Doing what I do best, baby.’ He smoothed his hair back and straightened his shirt. ‘Winging it.’

Without another thought, he thrust the door forcefully open and swaggered out, hands on hips, taking exaggerated steps. The two guards dropped their cards and leapt to their feet instantly. One reached for the dagger on his hip. Russell flung one of his arms out, making an overly flamboyant ‘stop’ gesture with his hand and staring the guy down. The two guards hesitated, apparently thrown by his sudden inexplicable appearance.

A lifetime of fabulous performances had taught Russell to recognise when he had the stage and how to make the best use of it. He quirked an eyebrow.

“Excuse me!” He spun on the spot and strutted past them, making for the door on the far side. One of the guards reacted with surprising speed and blocked his way.

“Hey!”

“Get out of my way, peasant.” Russell adopted a long, drawling voice - a comically exaggerated noble’s accent. The guards, quickly recovering from the surprise, scowled at him.

“Back to your cell, you,” the one blocking his path told him, drawing his dagger.

“And that’s another thing,” Russ scolded him. “How dare you lock me up? Me! The king will have your head when he finds out about this.”

“I’ll risk it,” the guard replied grimly. “Let’s go.”

“Nuh-uh, no touching.” Russell made shooing gestures as the guard took a step closer. “You can’t lock up a member of the royal family, sweetheart. I’m the king’s brother, you know.”

“Sure you are.” The guard reached out, grabbed him by the wrist and twisted his arm behind his back.

“Sure am. I’m the son of Mallos.” Russell grinned as the guard paused in the act of walking him back to his cell. “So that’s royal and godly. And I demand to see my father right now.”

The guards looked at each other for a long moment. “I can believe he’s related to Mallos,” one of them muttered.

“How do you think Mallos would react if he found out his kid was down here?” The other questioned cautiously. Russell latched onto his wariness.

“My father will hear about this!” He yelled. “And he is gonna be pissed with you! You ever wanted to know what it feels like to be an ant? He’s gonna turn you into one!”

The guards continued to stare at each other. One - the one Russell had spoiled the game for earlier - had gone a little pale. Apparently Russ had stumbled across a very real threat. He filed the information away in his mind for future reference.

“You put him back in the cell,” card-guard told his partner. “I’ll inform the king about this.”

Dagger-guard walked Russell back to his cell, a little more carefully than he’d done the first time. He triple-checked the cell door was locked properly before hurrying to stand guard by the door in the outer corridor.

‘What did you just do?’ Spyra quizzed her fairy, sounding nervous.

Russell tapped the bars thoughtfully. ‘I dunno, but I have a feeling it’s about to get real interesting in here.’


RUSSELL & SPYRA
what a damn jolly good idea.


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