To say that my life had turned into one giant mess after another was an understatement. Born into a world where my only goal was to become an Empress worthy of ruling the marshes after my mother, indeed to become worthy enough to challenge my own mother, but then to be stripped in one fell swoop of both mother and father and any inclination towards becoming what I had aspired to be... it was as if my soul had fled my body for a while. My will to live had not been extinguished, simply doused to a small bitter flame, and if it weren't for Halcyon's intervention and Elohim's after that then it is likely I would have ended up at the border of Iromar, captive same as my brother. I missed Lazarus with a fierceness I could not hide. It took mighty effort to hold myself back but then again it was easy because I feared that place as much as I loved it - feared remembering what she had looked like, dead and bloody on the ground, forgotten by the cruel twist of fate.

Survival, she had said, was about strength.

I suppose she might call me a coward now as I hadn't the strength to return. It gnawed at me that I chose not to return just yet. That I had to admit such a failure to my best friend, Pine, when she had come to me with such admirable loyalty, already planning the rebellion I had carelessly not thought of. My time in Glorall had been spent simply returning to life. Elohim was a ghost around me, coming and leaving but also nearby should I need him. He wasn't a great conversationalist but neither was I at the time, preferring solitude to where once I had yammered boldly. He made sure I was taken care of and I let him, because that is what had been done my whole life in Iromar. My mother had made sure I would have companions with her creation of the Elite Guards and their loyalty was admirable and so deep that I doubt it could ever be severed.

When we had arrived in Asteraia I had balked, at first, because I hated the sight of bison in the distance. They made me think of my father which made me think of my faults. It had been my fault, my incompetence, that had killed him and I HATED the creatures that had taken his life. I would tell Halcyon, later, that the first hunt of the pack should be a bison in honor of Praetor. And because one less bison was easier to bear. He had offered me not only the seat beside him in the pack but his heart, something I had never expected but had dreamed of. It wasn't a lie to say I was surprised, even despite those intense moments between us, when I had swallowed back my feelings and he had glanced away and youthful shyness had made a wall between us.

Things had changed but I was still tentative with it. Ruling came to me easier than I thought it would because I was not vested in the heart of the moors but a sweet-smelling pack of fields and hills. Besides, I was still young yet and there was time for us to grow more comfortable with each other. I sat now in the fields with a calm expression on my face, nose upturned to catch all the scents and eyes closed. It is his scent that draws me amid the heavy weight of rain oppressed. I blink and stand, spotting him in the distance because here you could see everything. I liked it. It assuages the part of me that remembers, and hates, what has happened in the past.

The sea had been a place to live for a temporary time but it hadn't quite been what I would call home. It lacked those I loved. Elohim was my friend, a silent protector, and I was not aware that the dynamic between us had changed. Even now, after everything, I was still blind. Just as blind as the days I had stolen alligator eggs and almost killed Halcyon. Like the day I had raced my father and ended up putting him headlong into danger. Youth made me reckless, made me blind, and only time could temper that.

As I draw closer to him I grin, ears pricked and tail waving, my head thrust high in my newfound dominance. Not newfound, I remind myself, but newly regained. Plus, I was a Queen. Not an Empress but much the same, I suppose. "Elohim!" I express his name happily, thrilled to see him, noting his ears back and displeased look. "Are you coming to live here too?" There is an eagerness in my voice, for having my friends in one place would be a blessing to me and all my life my friends had been loyal to the core, the kind of loyal that might make others a bit nervous for their obedience and their will to please. But I was raised a princess, so how could I even notice?