At Leisure Lake the sun is always shining and only a few stray clouds roam the open sky; paradise is the one word that really describes it. This beautiful lake is clean and refreshing, the very best place to swim and fish. Pups are known to play here while older wolves watch at the side, engaged in their own activities.
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Posted on January 18, 2017 at 01:05:20 PM by Kahlan
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I’m not sure whether to approach her or to walk away at this point. I have tried time and time again… alright perhaps that is a little bit of an exaggeration… but I have made the effort to rejoin society after my little… break. A part of me wants to be fixed, to be healed, to be who I once was – A happy wolf who enjoyed life and enjoyed her friends… hell a wolf who had friends. But there is another part of me that pushes back against that idea, against doing that. For when I was her, I had responsibility. I had people I cared about, and it was oh so much easier for them to hurt me. For me to be hurt in general. And it was that pain that broke me, in one way or another, and I don’t exactly relish the idea of returning to it. For now I am in a general state of “I don’t give a fuck”, where I do what I want, where I want, when I want. It has kept me content until now, or so at least I have thought. But if that was really true, why did I return to Blossom Forest in the first place? Why did I join a pack, especially one such as Moondown Shadows where I had no ties? Perhaps I joined there because I had no ties, or at least none I was aware of before I arrived. It would have been so easy to be just another member, one that could hide in the background. Live in a place where no one had heard of Kahlan the healer, the previous Saw Toothian, the Beta who had lived when the pack had fallen prey to Mother Nature’s cruel gestures. One of the lost, who had run from hell and hailfire, from lava and smoke and ash and had yet to return. But fate was not to be so simple, and the Alpha I had known. Perhaps he had not known me, but I had known him. He was a constant reminder of Saw Tooth, and therefore of everything I had lost. For in Saw Tooth had lived my friends and family; Moth my friend – now dead, Henadin my brother – now dead, his mate Channing my friend – gone to who knows where, and their pups – all dead or disappeared. Gone too was Cai, and Daenerys, and … and Kenshin. My first lover. His betrayal I had accepted and forgiven, and that decision, to forgive him for leading to the ruin and destruction of my parent’s and their pack had broken me. I had been so naïve, so giving… and eventually I had ran out. I ran out of whatever made me, me. And all that is left now is this broken shell of a body that cares not, and pretends at least to want not. Kenshin was the first lover, but certainly not the last and in my futile attempts to ease my loneliness there have been many others. Many of whom hurt me too, but at least they were there in the moment when I needed another. Kirastasia, the jealous lady who had pushed me away from Kenshin, who had led me into Malignant Felicity’s borders to live within the confines of her den as her concubine. And Kershov – perhaps the other one of note, who had been the original master of Kenshin, and who had planned my father’s end. Who had stolen one of Henadin’s pups as payment. What am I? Who am I? What word or phrase can accurately describe why I do the things I do, why I choose the things I choose, why I act the way I act? I don’t know. But for whatever reason, I chose to stand before this solitary ess long enough for her to notice me. My honeys watch as she smiles at me and dips her head in greeting. How lucky she must be to be so willing to greet strangers so easily. To want to meet others, to want to make friends. Perhaps I do too. Perhaps I just lie to myself when I say I don’t care. I shake my head as I hear Henadin talking to me, urging me forward, urging me to say something. He isn’t here – I know. He can’t understand why I am reluctant to get caught up in it all again. But he was my big brother – as least he always acted that way even though we were of the same litter. And if he is telling me to talk to her, or I am perceiving that he wants me to talk to her, then I shall. “Do you not bake sitting on the sand as you do? Does not the sun head the silt around you and make it unbearable?” Shit. Perhaps that was not the most… normal… first greeting I have ever made. But it has been said and cannot be taken back. She will take me for what I am… and I am not claiming to be normal. I will never be normal again. |
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