Ah, the cat.
The cat was not idle chit-chat. Croe’s smile evaporated; the expression that replaced it was unreadable. Mallos had not discussed the disappearance of his familiar with her. From the sound of it, he had discussed it with Aura – and with others, she supposed – but it was not jealousy that twisted suddenly in her gut.
“I wouldn’t know,” she answered truthfully, obviously uncomfortable. As observant as she was, it had not taken long to deduce that Sperantia was…out of office. Croe was not surprised, per se; from her current perspective, if someone threatened Mallos or Angela, she knew she would fall into a bottomless rage and probably never claw her way back out. She did not have to like Sperantia, to be able to empathize with her. “I…burned that bridge, when I came to it. It may not be in Mallos’ hands to rebuild it.” Was that why Mallos had not mentioned it to her? She thought of all the things he had asked of her, in the past – magical tasks, mysterious quests for information, always for the sake of someone else, to protect other people. But this thing…her chest felt tight. “If I get the chance, I’ll try.”
She’d apologize, she realized. She’d try to explain…no. There was nothing to explain. She had done a terrible thing, never expecting to have any further interaction with Mallos or Sperantia, save potentially some persuasion that the threats were empty and that retaliation was not necessary. Those five minutes filled her with more regret than all the years of piracy. She would kill, literally, to redo those moments.
Her thoughts dovetailed nicely into Aura’s line of questioning. Clearly, Croe was not the only one wondering how the fuck such a clandestine dalliance had transformed into this. Wondering why they were willing to hurt so many people, willing to risk so much.
“Well…it appears we are both prepared to face imprisonment or death, for this.” She said it without a trace of defensiveness; if anything, she sounded surprised. Her gaze shifted to the baby, their baby, who had settled spread-eagled near her feet, gumming one side of the crystal paperweight with drippy enthusiasm. “I know I should wish none of this had ever happened. We had so many chances to stop. But I just…it would have been easier to stop breathing. It never felt like a choice.” Her eyes flicked back up, black locking with blue, fathomless. It was an indescribable relief to tell someone, even if that someone was a divine being, weighing her worthiness. Croe had never had anyone to tell anything important, before. Even in her past life, her relationship with Allianah had been friendly but professional, and Denny had been more of a father figure than a friend. Aura was not her friend either, but she was Mallos’, and she had asked.
“Mallos once told me that I’m worth every minute he will spend asking forgiveness. I don’t know that he anticipated how many minutes that would be. But my eyes were open when I surrendered.”
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