I am not like I once was.
In a way, it seems fitting that I should suffer all these blows when I have been selfish and unkind. Eden had hissed, had tormented me with his words, but they were truth. He was a serpent but he opened my eyes and I HATED him for it. It was my fault. I never should have gone to him like I did. Elohim had hinted at his strange upbringing and I wonder now if Elohim was ever truly my friend or if he played games like his father did. The kind of insidious game that seeped into my head and made me ache with facts I would rather not know about myself. But more than any of that is my rage: a white ball of fire that coalesces in my heart, chasing away those shadows yet creating ones of its own. Burns for my parents. Burns for my wrong doing. Burns for the loss of Vesper, forgotten by all.
I can feel Halcyon press into me as I speak, as I let loose this vile thing within me, as it spills like blackness from my lips. My fury, my heartache, my fears. My brow is furrowed so hard I can feel a pressure in the back of my skull. It eases as he leans closer and licks me, his breath smelling much improved as his health had begun to return. It wasn't close to be complete but I would not allow him to wither anymore. I would hunt the ends of the earth for a cure, for something to bind him to me and to this world if I had to. Him, I could not lose. Not without losing myself.
As he begins to speak I lean to my side so that cheek presses into to curve of his jaw and neck, hearing the rumble of his voice from within and without, a comforting sound. I can tell it weakens him yet I will not stop him. He needs this unleashing as I do and I have missed him. So terribly much. Just to lie here with him as the sun begins to disappear on the horizon was a balm to my soul. I close my eyes at his words of Vesper. I... don't think that is true. My guilt is acid in the back of my throat but I won't contradict him. He thinks of me in such a positive light I am not sure I can burden him with the truth - that I am not beautiful on the inside.
Still, tears leak down my face when he speaks of me, and I feel a sort of relaxing of claws within me. "I will sing for all of them until I cannot sing anymore," I say softly, my heart in my voice. For my parents, for his parents, for my family. For all who had come and gone before me and those who still lived, those I still loved. Pine, Halcyon, Undyne, Lazarus, all of them. As I pull back he leans towards me, nuzzling me, and I lick his face gently.
"We will tie those binds strong and I will not let anything happen to our land, Halcyon. I swear it. I.. I failed Iromar. I did not go back like I said." The last words are a sort of whispered gasp, shame on my face. "I won't fail Asteraia. I promise you, love. I won't." And it seemed as if my eyes glowed with a fanatic light. "She would be proud of you too, you know," I suddenly soften with a small smile. "My mom. And yours too. Do you.. can you... sing for them with me?" I know, I know it will take a lot out of him, but I think it will heal him too. Not on the outside but deep where old wounds lie.