There was never a question in his mind that both of the girls he loved were intelligent and cunning enough to figure him out. That was what scared him. He knew it was only a matter of time before the kids said something or Tuari or Talien ran into one of the kids from the other's litter. It was a large pack land but a pretty tight knit group. A year was impossible to think that in that time frame, they wouldn't already know, and yet he was a coward. He hadn't brought it up because he feared the consequences. He chose to pretend ignorance and hoped that they would do the same to keep that happy little world he had created with both families. But he knew it wouldn't last and so he decided it was time to be a man and talk to them. Talien had been lying low, mothering her children but keeping to herself so he would speak to Tuari first. She was his best friend and he had spent a lot of time with her after the birthing. They had taken the kids on a hunt together and he was enjoying having his best friend back again. But the feelings were starting again and this time winter had nothing to do with it. Winter was past and yet he still got butterflies around her. She didn't have to make a sound to make his throat feel parched and his brain get all fuzzy. He sometimes felt awkward around her for no reason at all and he didn't like it because he was used to being so smooth and comfortable. He knew she would ask him what was going on eventually so maybe they could broach that subject as well while he was here. He didn't want to hurt anyone but in the meantime, he was hurting them both and that wasn't fair either. He knew it would break Talien's heart but he didn't know what else to do. He had to choose.

Eztli hadn't told him about meeting Tuari but of course his son didn't tell him a lot anyways. He was always so angry at the world and kept to himself when he wasn't trying to attack Lixue for no reason. Dexter worried about him and hoped that he would find himself soon. It had crossed his mind many times to bring him to Tuari becuase he knew Eztli was mute just like her but there would be no way to go around the inevitable then. She would take one look at him and know he was Dexter's son. Then he would have to tell her everything. He was a coward and didn't want to lose that happy bubble he had built up so strongly around both families. But all things must come to an end eventually. He wondered if either of them had had similar thoughts if or when they found out about the other. Did they meet behind his back and talk about it? Make some kind of compromise? Were they just trying to protect his feelings at this point? He wouldn't put it past either of them and it made him feel that much worse to have kept it all in. He knew he would feel better once he told them. Now was a propitious time and even if it wasn't, it was still as good a time as any.

When he finally saw her, his heart leapt into his throat as it always did and all at once, he found it hard to breathe. But he pushed past that lump in his throat, watching her tilt her head expectantly at him. She knew something was up and she had that knowing look in her eyes like she might even know what he was coming to talk to her about. He let out a deep breath, knowing he was going to need all his courage. This felt so hard all at once, like the air was too stuffy and he couldn't breathe but he knew that was just his nerves. He tried to meet her gaze, offering a sheepish smile and his eyes softened. "I messed up, Tuari. Big time. I fathered two litters last winter when I didn't deserve even one. The girl I told you about, Talien, she approached me a few nights after I met with you and....well, I wish I could blame it on anything other than my stupidity but that would just be a lame excuse. She had two children, a boy and a girl. Eztli and Lixue. They're beautiful. Eztli is like you. He can't talk and he's so angry all the time because he can't communicate. He's very violent, especially with his sister and mother. I've been meaning to talk to you about him. I just couldn't....I'm a coward. I didn't want to lose the happiness we've had over the past year with the children. They're my world, Tuari. All of them. And you and Talien mean so much to me.

"But I'm hurting you both and I can't take that either. You have every right to hate me or want me out of your life. You know it'll kill me to lose you but it's your choice. All I ask is that you please don't make me stay away from my children. If losing you kills me, then losing them too would be the last nail in the coffin. I love you, Tuari. It's always been you. I care about Talien. There's no doubt about that. But you're my best friend. You're my confidante. You're my heart and soul's other half. I know you may not be able to answer me back on this right now and that's okay. You take all the time you need. But eventually I'll come back to fight for your forgiveness and ask you again and again because there's nothing I want more now that I know what my heart's been trying to tell me all along. I want you to be my mate, Tuari. My partner, for life. No more mistakes. When I talk to Talien, I'll let her know that we can be no more than friends. Even if you keep telling me no, I'll remain faithful to the idea because you deserve that and more. I'll join a convent, make a vow of celibacy, all to your service. You are what makes me weak and strong all at once. You are my kryptonite and my elixir. I want you and only you, forever and always. I'm sorry to drop all this on you at once. I knew if I didn't just put it all out there, I might never get up the courage to do it again so here it all is. Better or for worse, I'm yours to command."

He didn't know what to do now. His heart was hammering in his chest. He was sure he was sweating under his coat and his eyes felt close to tears just from sheer lack of blinking. He felt like he had just shoveled all that out on the ground in one big mound in front of her and now he felt empty. Well, relieved and empty. Finally, he had told her. Somehow he felt that telling Talien might even be a little easier. Not because he didn't care about her, but because Tuari's opinion of him meant so much. She was his best friend long before she was the mother of his children. This was meant to be. He just knew it. Now he just had to convince her to forgive him for his stupidity long enough to make her see it too.