The colors of late autumn glowed under the mid-afternoon sun, rays of light streaming through the dark red leaves that still clung to the branches. Thus the dappled light was strewn across the path that I walked. Even now, more than a year later, there was still a subtle limp to my stride. My right foreleg would never be the same, but the break had healed and no longer caused me pain. Months had passed since each of my injuries had come to a state of full repair, and yet there had been deeper healing that needed to take place.
Pausing for a moment, I lifted my head to the west, letting scattered rays of light wash over my face as my eyes squeezed shut. Steeling myself against the memories of the past year, I swallowed hard. Shame threatened to bubble up from within, but I called upon the inner strength that I had had to depend on my entire life. The physical healing had not been the hardest part of my recovery. It had been the moments when I nearly gave up, when I was ready to die. When I would snap at Nymeria for trying to help me, and refuse to allow anyone else to visit. Scents that drifted into my den changed, and though I craved to be with the pack, the pain and the misery bade me not show myself - that self that deteriorated to skin and bones when I struggled to eat. Visions of Jericho and Leonidas and Meryl alike had swam before me in states of weakened delusions. I dreamt of my children, each turning away from me as their fathers had. There was a point when I truly believed that Kalseru would no longer have me, that Nymeria had abandoned me. Those months had been a greater battle than any I had ever fought with tooth and claw.
What exactly triggered the turning point for me, I could not recall. But Nymeria never gave up, despite the delirium and depression that filled my life, blotting out the sun. Now, as I opened my eyes and the light streamed into my vision, I knew that there was still a future for me here. My life was changed, irreparably, but that did not mean it was over. Blinking away the sun spots, I breathed deeply and strode forward once more. With each step I called upon the things that had finally given me strength to rejoin the pack. Kalseru, Bewilderbeast of Spirane, my daughter who stepped up to a position she had not been entirely prepared for, and thrived. Future grandchildren that would give me new purpose. My own children, and the time that I could devote to them fully. No, I might not be able to join the hunt, or fight off imminent threats along our borders with the same vigor I once had, but my ten year reign had taught me that if a wolf seeks it - is willing to work towards it - they can find their purpose and contribute to the pack.
So now, finally, after all this time, I sought out my eldest daughter. Her scent permeated the air, blanketing the mountain and showing her strength as a leader. But it was not hard for me to pick out a fresh trail and track her. Some things even time cannot take from a wolf. Despite the aching in my chest to see her, I did not rush. I took my time, soaking in every inch of my mountain home that I traversed.
Until I came around a corner and there she was. The picture of poise and grace, with a mightiness about her that perhaps only ruling could bring out in a wolf. My own image was far less than that, and though my ribs no longer protruded from my sides I was still thinner than I had been in my entire adult life. There was very little muscle left to be found upon me, and though I did not want to see it in my reflection, I had certainly aged quite a bit over the past year. It felt like a lifetime ago that I had stood in her place, but it was not jealousy that welled within me at the site of her. It was pure, unadulterated pride.