The absolute strangest thing had occurred. It started but yesterday, when I found myself down by the river. It was one of the tributaries near Kershov‘s pack, and I had every intention of going to see him. Though there is no romantic emotion between us, he is the only wolf I can call a friend, and now lover too . I think that part of me fears him, but I think too, that part of him fears me. For some reason, we are so good for each other if only because we are two creatures that find it hard to trust and hard to connect with other wolves, and see within each other a kinship. Being with him somehow affects my head and memories, and gives me a window into the past that was previously dark. The last time that we had lain together, I remembered that together, we had procreated. Kershov and I had a daughter… One that was somewhere out there in the world that neither him nor I had known about. And… Now… Well now we have two sons. I thought it was time that he knew, but more than that I wanted him to take me again as he had already. I can be close to him physically without feeling consumed, he can take my body yet still make me feel safe. There is no complications there, only two friends spending time together in a less than traditional way. But something had happened… Down by the river, when I was nearing his pack, I had become thirsty. I had dipped my head to the water in order to drink from its cool and refreshing surface. I had no qualms about the temperature, the chill. It felt so good going down given the hot summer heat above. But… but as soon as I swallowed it, all of my nerves fired at the same time as if being stimulated by something. At first I had thought that perhaps the water had somehow been poisoned. But it didn’t hurt, and death and sickness did not ensue. Instead, instead… I felt a weird sense of desire, and not for Kershov. Instead, a scent, and even the face of a different brute entered my mind.
It hit me suddenly, and yet slowly, all at once. The desire to be by him, with him, beside him overwhelmed me. And I felt a warmth in my chest such that I had not felt since Kirastasia all those months ago. And for some reason, I knew that I loved him, that I loved a stranger that I did not even know. A name jumped to my lips - Justice, and yet it still made no sense. But that name was familiar in someway… Had not Artemis spoken about her old lover Justice at one point? I had not thought much about it nor really had I cared, but was that the brute that my body was now craving? Was it calling me to find him, desiring to be with him? It made no sense… And yet I could feel my rose throbbing at the thought of him, petals wetting, and a warm surging through out the entirety of my bodice. It was… So overwhelming. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin if I did not get him, and so now here I am, galloping my way across the land again, away from Kershov, despite the fact I have yet to tell him about our two new pups. I am running away… But I’m not. I always run away… But now I’m running toward something, or rather someone. It doesn’t make sense, and I don’t know, but can I find for myself at least some shred of happiness in these feelings for him? Perhaps fate has been kind enough to decide to finally grant me a reprieve… And yet I doubt that that is true. Still, I cannot ignore the thread of warmth that is pulling me home, pulling me towards him.
It is days before I reach him, before I reach the pack. My nights were restless, full of desire to have him wrapped around me in an embrace, and even when I did sleep, it was with dreams of him. I don’t remember the last time that I actually dreamed, and so I find that odd. It is all too wonderful to be true, I cannot help fight against it. It feels so foreign, like a parasite, like an invasion of some infection. Yet I am not sick, nor feverish, nor febrile. I am better than I have been in a long time. Suddenly I am filled with doubt and insecurities about myself - I have been living for only me for so long, and now for both me and my pops. My body has not fully recovered from their exit… What will he think of my sagging tits, full of milk from not being nursed off of for a while. Will he think me ugly when he sees my sunken sides, given that all of my energy is being pushed toward milk production, toward the survival of my offspring. What will he do when he sees me, will he feel about me the way I feel about him, despite the fact that we have never met? And now, I find myself reminded again why exactly I chose to shut myself off… It is too much work to be with another. But I can’t help it…
I do not know how I found him, but it is at the border that I do. And it is my turn to be surprised, for at his paws are some pups. For whatever reason, I laid myself out full bare immediately and grabbed the pups one by one, pulling them toward me and placing them on my teats until they nursed. I need so dearly to take care of them, with this maternal instinct that drives me. For some reason, it drives me more now than it does even with my own, and I wonder if it is because these pups are connected to Justice. Does my love for him extend to them as well? How will this affect my relationship with my own? As soon as I have them at my teats, I look up to him - and here I am, a stranger grabbing at his pups. I wonder why he’s not attacked me, and I look up at him, my eyes dewy with tears. I don’t know why am crying, why a fucking waterfall has decided to come out of my visage, but it has. And I peer at him through the haze and I smile.
“I’m Kahlan.”
||Kahlan|| ||Broken Heart|| ||Cracked Soul of Munashii Gekko|| ||Zeta|| ||69cm.:.23kg|| ||Kenryk*Kaukab|| |