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Gun Control

Yesterday I composed a hair-tearing rant and attempted to send it to our local liberal rag. Since the word limit was 350 words, and my piece was about 690, it was cut off and would not pass. I attach it below.

In all this hurricane of protest and political blather about “gun control” and “mental instability” a good deal of which has found its way onto the Op-Ed page of the Roanoke Times, a thought occurred to me, how the President might actually effect a change, in the interest of public safety, which so many of our citizens seem to demand. Let’s just imagine, the reaction if after hearing the tearful pleas of bereaved parents and schoolmates, our President were to make the following proposal:
“My fellow Americans. The events of the past few days and weeks have been so horrific, and the anguish of parents so heartbreaking, that I simply must, without delay, implement a plan to keep not just schoolchildren, but all innocent citizens, safe from mindless violence, at the hands of gun-toting maniacs. I have listened patiently to the voice of the people, and now believe that such a plan would greatly reduce or even eliminate these crimes. I am perfectly aware that strenuous objections will be made by civil-rights advocates and constitutional lawyers, but to all such objections I would reply with unanswerable resolution, THE PUBLIC SAFETY DEMANDS IT!
“The plan is this. First, to require national registration of all privately-owned firearms, with severe penalties for those refusing to comply, or attempting to conceal any in their possession. Second, to remove from the general population all firearms commonly described as “assault weapons”, as well as all handguns capable of repeated semiautomatic fire. This was done by Australia and the United Kingdom, resulting in the reduction of gun-related deaths to a small fraction of those previously suffered. Local police agencies would collect all illegal weapons for destruction, either by melting down, mechanically crushing, or dumping in the deep sea. Privately-owned gunshops would be closed, and the entire inventory removed and destroyed, with a reasonable compensation to the owner. THE PUBLIC SAFETY DEMANDS IT!
“Third, any person attempting to purchase, trade or in any manner come to own an “assault weapon” or semiautomatic handgun would be deemed prima facie evidence of mental instability, and the would-be purchaser removed to a secure institution, until his sanity is definitely established by a special court. Only official law enforcement agencies, and the Federal armed forces, would be authorized to possess these weapons. THE PUBLIC SAFETY DEMANDS IT!
“Third, any crack-brained lunatic who attempts to use such a weapon against innocent citizens, whether or not he succeeds in killing himself or anyone else, the police or other armed teams would place his body, alive or dead, against a convenient wall and riddle it with bullets, after which the corpse would be at once cremated and the ashes buried secretly in a landfill. THE PUBLIC SAFETY DEMANDS IT!
“I am sure that legal-minded folks will take the matter to court, seeking an injunction, which some liberal judge would grant. If this happens, that judge would be removed from the bench and his injunction vacated by a higher court. Protesters and objectors would be jailed. Officers and members of the National Rifle Association may be among these—so be it, they should have known better. THE PUBLIC SAFETY DEMANDS IT!
“I have heard the voice of the people, that they are heartily tired of the endless legalisms which make it nearly impossible for perpetrators of these heinous crimes to incur due punishment for their deeds. The people want quick action and stern justice. Under this plan, they shall have it.”
Well now, folks isn’t that a peachy little proposal? Should be welcomed by any who may have suffered grievous loss from a gun-wielding nutcase? I hardly expect the Times to publish it, but isn’t this kind of rant what Op-Eds are for? My good friend John Cahoon got nearly half a page to state his case.
698 wds. Roanoke, Va.


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