It has been so long, years since I have truly interacted with pups. And I somehow managed to forget how much energy they have. I forgot somehow that they tire you out and yet still manage to be full of relentless ambition and motion and activity. Gone are my quiet mornings, and instead they are full of this, exactly this - little balls of fluff that come alive as soon as I start even one bit. Immediately ready to go, to explore, to get into trouble. They do not have the intermediate, waking stage where they are groggy like I do, and it has taken some getting used to. Only, the last time that I dealt with this, the pups were not my own, but were those of my brother and his mate. And at least then, I could take time off. But it is not like that anymore - I no longer have that luxury. Not only are these mine, but they have no father to share time with. Well, they of course do have a father, but he is not involved at all in raising them. There is noone to share the responsibility with, and I have no friends to speak of to pawn them off on from time to time. I find myself tiring quickly, wishing only to have more time to rest, or be alone. At times, it all seems too much, but I am so protective of them that I could not bear to give them up. So now I’m here, left pretending to love them even though my heart cannot claim that very thing.
But despite my wish to rest, I find myself waking them, wanting to spend the time with them, to be amused by their antics. It was worth the exhaustion, I think, to have them in my life. And even though they are siblings, they are so different. It makes me think of my own brother, and how different we both were. Although, perhaps I am closer to him now then I was back then… It is an odd thought, to compare the two of us now that he is dead. But I cannot help it. I miss him every day and I cannot help but be mad at him for leaving me. He was supposed to be there to protect me - that had been the promise he had made me. That he would never leave and would always be there. But he’s not here now, is he? No… No he isn’t. Instead, like I’ve said time and time again, I’m alone, with these two pups to care for. I find myself being like him - reclusive, quiet, finding ways to distance myself from those around me. Because of what had happened to our family, he so rarely trusted others, and now I am the same, though for a different reason.
Both Kaukab and Kenryk seem adventurous today - one asks what we will see today, and the other literally asks if we are going on an adventure. Adventure… I’ve had enough of those to last a lifetime. Give me a boring life where I can retire in peace and rest and I will be content. I have come to realize that adventure is just another word for a time of fear, pain, and loss. That has been my entire life, and I am sick of adventures. But my pups do not need to know that, nor do they ever need to know what type of adventures that their mother has had. To them, the word adventure does not have the same connotation. They think of it as a chance to get out of the den, to run around, to spend their energy. That, that I am okay with them doing. I have yet to find any dangers here in Wudubearo… Well at least nothing that would be a danger to them. But there are… complications here for me. Or rather, there is a single complication, a danger - Kirastasia. She threatens to topple everything I’ve worked so hard to build up. She threatens to break my walls and my defenses and leave me vulnerable and fragile and broken again. And, as if on cue, my mind summons up the smell of her, her very perfume, her delicate essence. My lids close for second as I savor the taste of the forbidden fruit before shaking my head. There’s no imagination that brings this to me now, but the wind. Apparently, Kira is actually coming to crash the party. A slight scowl paints itself on my features as an immediate armored mask, but I managed to turn it into a smile as I look down at my two pups.
"Why don’t we learn a new game today - 'Hide and Seek'. The two of you can run off together and hide, and mommy will come find you. It will be a good way for you to explore the world outside of this den…"
I didn't mention that it would give me time to deal with Kirastasia.
||Kahlan|| ||Broken Heart|| ||Cracked Soul of Wudubearo|| ||Zeta|| ||69cm.:.23kg|| ||Kenryk*Kaukab|| |