"pinjare mein ek billee ek sher ban jaatee hai"
a cat in a cage becomes a lion
He was the moon, drawing her in, and slowly, slowly waxing. Darshan watched in wonder as before her very eyes, so gently and slowly that any other might not notice (or appreciate it in the same way as she did) he grew stronger and brighter. Perhaps, like the moon, in time he would disappear into that same darkness again, wane away to a sliver, but for now, he seemed to shine, and deep within her heart, Darshan liked to think he was shining for her, as if he somehow sensed the depth of the darkness she had found herself in. Whether or not this was true, it made her happy, and so she held onto the thought, and wondered what she could do for him in return.
In another life, her father might have taught her about the ways of the world, instead of grooming her for a life of servitude in which she existed merely to placate a neighbouring stallion and secure his position. In another life, she would have had her mother to guide her. But she had never had these things, and couldn’t fully comprehend what she had been deprived of. The spirit within her had always craved freedom, however, and the dreamer within her believed that perhaps, just perhaps she might find all that she wanted out of life here – not far from Shamwari’s side. However, she knew what it was to have others impress their will upon her, and she would never knowingly do that to another.
And then there were things that Darshan had never thought she’d have to consider, not so soon, not so young. She regretted nothing – not leaving everything she’d known behind, not coming to these Islands, where she was a stranger alone, where she had no guarantees, where she didn’t understand most of what the natives and dwellers of the isles in the ocean spoke. And come what may, she’d never regret what she and Shamwari had started. But, if she’d had the words, and if she’d had the moment, and the boldness to speak them, Darshan might have told him that she was a little afraid of what came next – the air had started to get cooler, and though she’d learned to love the coming of dusk, considering all the things the night brought to her – the stars, and her moon, dread began to creep through her when she thought about parting ways with the red male again.
Shamwari touched her, then, and she relished the physical closeness and comforting contact, growing still as he rested his chin at the base of her neck. Her heart flutters in her chest and she attempts to control her breathing, to keep it still and steady. The only stallion she’d ever known had been her father, and under his iron hoof, she had been protected, swaddled in a cocoon of safety, keeping her innocent. If not for Shamwari holding all of her attention, Darshan would have taken a moment to delight in the look of disbelief and outrage that her father would have plastered over his cold but beautiful face if he knew that his precious and once-meek daughter,
his prized gift carried a spark of life in her belly. She would have grown sorrowful, then, over the fact that the only family she truly had likely despised her, had it not been for Shamwari, murmuring words in her ears.
“Nahin,” she whispered back, shaking her head lightly. She cast her eyes heavenwards, blue eyes marvelling at the beauty of the stars.
“Main andhere kee jagah se aaya tha.” Darshan drew a breath, and twitched an ear, contemplating for a moment.
“I come from dark place. Far. Main vaapas nahin kar sakata. No returning there.” There was a wistfulness in her voice, a hint of accented sorrow, perhaps, but not true grief. Not yet, and perhaps not ever. Time would tell if she would mourn deeply for the life she had lost. But not tonight. Tonight, Darshan was at peace. It filled her, and she hoped that somehow, she could pass some of it on to Shamwari.
“Shaayad,” she continued after a few moments.
“I could come from the stars.” They only shined at night, after all, and the darker it was, the brighter they were.
“The stars…Main unhen pyaar karata hoon. I love them.”
The pale mare watched as Shamwari approaches the sea, listens intently to what he says. She looks beyond him, trying to picture what Luthien might look like, but she has little to go by – and she doesn’t want to tarnish all that Luthien is and all that it could be by comparing it to the dry and rocky cavernous landscape that had been all she’d known before she’d plunged into the sea. Instead, she just moves to stand beside Shamwari again, quiet, content, and patiently taking in every word that falls from his lips. And then he moved away, and her head turned to follow. She stares for a moment, confusion on her face, as it takes her a moment to register what he is saying – that he is offering something to her that she views as priceless.
Darshan’s skin prickled as if there were electricity in the air, and she drew in a sharp breath, dipping her head quickly, her eyes lowered as she fights with a sudden surge of numerous emotions within her – relief, joy, desire and a new kind of fear.
“Haan, hai,” the words force their way out before she can take a moment to translate. She can feel her heart pulsing in the back of her throat, and she struggles over her next words, and they are saturated with raw sentiment.
“I want, yes, go with you, to… Luth-i-en. Your home, you want me to see?” And she draws near again, unable to help herself, a small but radiant spark shining with gentle strength in the depths of her pale blue eyes.