O Brave New World.

Mike is very busy in his shed right now inventing a new computer. Progress is rapid and he says he should be ready for the big lunch - sorry, launch - just as soon as he gets all the pages coloured in. His fingers are all inky at the moment so he has asked me to roll out the following important message to the hoi polloi.

The new computer will be bang up to date and will be fully compatible with the Post Truth language now widely used in all forms of social media as well as by big players such as the BBC and the Withington Reporter.

Phase 1 will be up and running for the beginning of the new season. So, can the Electric Pigs and all future setters please note that it will no longer be necessary to check or verify your answers. No more need for bulky reference books or trips to the library. Simply place your answer in the approximate "ball park" suggested by the question and remember to keep it entertaining. Simples.

When Phase 2 kicks in sometime after the Feast of the Epiphany, there will no longer be a requirement to format your questions in themes or pairs or indeed even to ask sensible questions. This should greatly reduce the time required for quiz setting, typically from an average two weeks to an average 13 minutes.

The ultimate aim of Phase 3 will be to obviate the need for any quiz setting at all. Nor, it is hoped, will there be any necessity for teams to go to the pub in a physical sense. Each team captain will simply be required to text in 32 random answers to Mike on a weekly basis and the computer will automatically produce and publish results, feedback and league tables. Maybe even a bit of programmed banter and piss-taking as well just to make the whole feckin exercise seem worthwhile.

Where would we be without modern technology!..... down the pub probably....

* According to the official vatican job description a girl Friday is defined as being "a female helpmeet
who only eats fish and is capable of doing almost anything for a priest".

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