I hadn't gone anywhere in the pack land yet. I was afraid. Afraid that this was all a dream and that I'd wake up and he'd be gone again, afraid that I'd wake up and we'd be stuck in the common lands somewhere, not safe, not able to make a home for us. I didn't know what it meant, this unsure feeling that washed over me, I wanted to be sure. I trusted Navarre with my life, with my soul. He was my everything and more, but I still worried that we wouldn't be welcome. Pa would shake me silly, this wasn't how his daughter was raised. I was raised as a fierce warrior princess, one who knew how to hold her head high and take life at face value, never looking in the shadows for some monster to ruin everything. I could hear my ancestors in my mind, now.

I chuckled, the words they spoke reverberating in my mind. I knew to trust Navarre, it wasn't him I didn't trust. It was the rest of the world. I worried every day that something would happen and that my happily ever after would come crashing down into a pile of ash. I know, I know, I needed to stop being so contrite, I needed to let it all go and trust. But there was something so unsettling about being in a new pack that made trusting others so hard to do.

I crept out of the den, the early morning rays of light just barely peaking up over the mountain, and I let my toes dig into the soft mounds of snow that had fallen overnight. The snow seemed heavy this winter, but then again, what did I know? We hadn't been in the pack long, so I wasn't sure how the weather acted here. I tried to ignore the stirring in my gut. Some how, I had ignored it for so many seasons, knowing that I was getting closer to middle age now, back home, I would have had multiple litters now. But I wondered in the back of my mind if Nav even wanted them. We hadn't talked about it, ever. And that realization hit a little close to my heart. I didn't want to know, if he didn't. I had grown up picturing myself as a mother-- never imagined life without them as a possibility. I saw so many here with pups, it made my heart ache for them. But I wouldn't let my dreams head that way, not when I didn't even know if it was in the cards for us.

I let my lava orbs trail back to the mouth of the den. I rose early some days, whereas others I'd wake alone. It was nice when he was still sleeping beside me when I woke, knowing he was close. Not that he wasn't close any other day, but it just reminded me of the days when I woke without him. I never wanted that to happen again. If he had to leave, I'd follow, anywhere, anytime.