How quickly everything could change. Olya shut her eyes quickly and began to count backward from one-hundred, blocking out everything around her. One-hundred. Ninety nine. Ninety eight. Ninety seven. For far too long now had she become complacent to her surroundings, had she hoped and believed in a future for herself other than as less than dirt. Ninety six. Ninety five. Ninety four. Ninety three. She had been taught the hard way just how miserable life could be, how insignificant she was. Ninety two. Ninety one. Ninety. Eighty nine. That no one cared for her, but she was allowed to live solely for the pleasure and entertainment of her betters, of her masters. Eighty eight. Eighty seven. Eighty six. Eighty five. She knew better, she knew better than to grow attached to anyone, for if she did then she would experience heartbreak and pain when they were sold to a different master, or when they inevitably died. Eighty four. Eighty three. Eighty two. Eighty one. And yet despite all of this, despite everything that she knew, she had fallen for the tricks of this Siku, who had held before her a dream that was painted in the most beautiful array of colors, all possible paths that she could choose for herself. Whatever she wanted, whatever she desired. Eighty. Seventy nine. Seventy eight. Seventy seven. Olya still curled tightly around her three pups, waiting for the blow to land that would bring her pain, that could potentially end her life. Seventy six. Seventy five. Seventy four. Seventy three. She was aware of Siku above her still, and the pain of his betrayal resonated in her mind – he had said that he had not lain with the femme on purpose, but how exactly was it that a male was forced upon a female? She had known rape, but what he described was something different, something she had never experienced, something she could not wrap her head around. Seventy two. Seventy one. Seventy. Sixty nine.
And then, suddenly, the quietest noise pulled her from her mind, from the downward spiral, halting her retreat in its tracks. A mewl, innocent and pure, called out to her as one of her whelps crawled toward her abdomen, searching blindly and hungrily for a teat. Sixty eight… sixty seven. She still counted down toward zero, toward the number that would have her disconnecting from reality, but the count had slowed. The feeling of her pup’s maw urging against her, the rush of oxytocin, the endorphins, and finally the curling of a tongue urgently suckling milk down had her feeling something she had never felt before. Sixty six… Somewhere, she distantly heard Siku talking to her, pleading for her not to be affected by Nukilik’s illness, to not take it personally. Sixty five… Her tired gaze fell upon the fallen wolves, ones who could not be roused from their slumber. The concern in Siku’s eyes. Her audettes caught onto the question of tiredness and Olya found herself nodding. She was tired. She was so very tired. Sixty four… Olya slowly unfurled, the danger having passed, and then peered at her pups, two of them now firmly attached. But the third… the third lay still. Deadly still. She was briefly aware of Kallik approaching, speaking of ignoring Nukilik, but how could Olya? She never wanted her little pups to suffer as she once had. Olya had grown attached to the twins, but now that she had her own pups, she could not ignore the danger.
Sixty four… Sixty four…
“Sixty four…” She muttered the number aloud before realizing that her fear was gone. At least, her fear for her own safety. Hesitantly, she rose to her paws, wavering. “Nukilik can get to me, but she will never be allowed near my little ones. I will not risk them. You, Kallik, you have shown no ill will to them and as long as you continue as such, you will be welcome in their life.” Olya reached down, grasping their odd scruffs gently to lift them before she trotted away, but not before she dug a shallow grave for the unnamed brute. Not toward Siku’s den, for she could not think of keeping them anywhere near Nukilik. She trotted carefully until she found a shallow indent in a hill. Glancing upward, she deemed it safe enough given the weather, and laid down, placing them into the crook of her belly.
*~*Now*~*~
Over the past weeks, Olya had dug the den, deeper and deeper, painstakingly making escape tunnels much as a hare would. For she was no predator, but instead was prey. She had been prey for her whole life and if nothing else it had taught her how to survive. But she also had deepened it in order to allow room for her surviving twins to grow. Her once swollen sides had collapsed inward, both from the absence of them within her womb and because they had stolen so much from her in terms of nutrients. She had kept them from Siku, from the twins, from everyone. It was both due to her mistrust, but also because she did not want to introduce them to the pack if another of them was to die. But today marked their 1 month birthday, and she had decided that it was to be their naming day. Softly, she nuzzled her two pups awake. “Jamila from now on shall you be,” was what she whispered into the ear of the femme. “Jamila, my darling little Jamila, named after my mother of whom I have few memories. Dakarai, my strong little boy, named for the happiness you provide me with. Dakarai, open your eyes.”
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