“We’re heading back to the castle, kid.” Was all he got when asked where they were going. No further invitation for conversation, the only explanation he got was, “he did it, he really did it.”

Grayson stuck his foot in the stirrup, grabbing ahold of the saddle he hoisted himself on. Collecting he reins he followed the gentleman in quiet. Nothing except for the wind as it broke through the trees, the crunching of leaves beneath the horses footfalls, the soft grunts of the horses, and the birds in the trees.

It was noise, it was all so noisy. Grayson let out and exasperated sigh as he put his thumb and finger to his temples trying to massage it. His head was throbbing, had been throbbing for quite some time now. He hadn’t felt like himself but had he ever? Was this to be his new normal? He’d felt like an outsider in his own head, no - it was like there had been an extra weight inside it, a malignant tumor, spreading.

Dusk had began to spread above them by the time the horses hooves hit the cobblestone road. The clicking only made his head hurt worse. He patted the horses neck, a big bay, and ran his fingers through its black mane. He whispered soothing sounds, using the horse as an excuse. Grayson was hurting and he didn’t know what was hurting the most - his head, his body, or his heart?

They rode to the castle front, the gentleman nodded at him indicating he could get dismount. He grabbed ahold of the big bays reins and passed them to a stable boy who quickly lead the horses back to the stables. Grayson couldn’t even find the heart to smile, he’d once been one of those boys. He turned to the castle and frowned, it had looked so much larger to him as a child

The gentleman’s clasped a hand on his shoulder and smiled broadly, “Good to finally be back, eh?”

He managed a nod, and then he led him up the steps and through the doors.

Grayson absorbed everything around him. He saw a few familiar faces from the camp but quickly ducked his head not wanting to be seen. They were all scurrying about, taking down the blue and leaving no remembrance of Mordred behind.

Mordred.

He shuttered, images of his cell entered his mind causing his brows to tighten together, he began massaging his temples again, groaning this time.

The gentleman lead him down a hall and up a flight of stairs to a doorway. “Well, this is where I leave you.” Grayson nodded again, and he turned away, exiting down the opposite hall where they had entered. Grayson looked towards the door knob and went to grab it but hesitated. He didn’t know why he hesitated, he just did. His frown only deepened. Voices were coming from further down the corridor, mild panic set in as he began to fumble with the knob and entered the room, closing the door behind him.

A flurry of fur and tongue Era immediately pounced on him and ravaged him with licks. The two had been separated for months but now reunited Grayson couldn’t do more then patted her on the head with a gentle smile.

The room was bare save for a bed, trunk, and candlelight. It was as inviting as Grayson’s demeanor. But it was clean, it was the first moment Grayson realized just how dirty he was while glancing down at himself. Era gave a soft whine from behind him, “it’s okay, it’ll be okay.” But he wasn’t fooling anyone, not even himself. The flood gates opened and tears ran down his face. He stood there hunched over the bed and cried. It got to a point where when he thought there was nothing left and more just came pouring out. It wasn’t until he finally curled onto the bed that his body finally thought it had enough. He shuddered in silence still continuing the motions but no more tears sprang forth.

He’d hoped eventually sleep would claim him but it never did.

He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to be back here. He didn’t deserve this bed, he didn’t deserve Olive, and most of all he didn’t deserve Tristan or anyone else. He was nothing more than a dirty boy who didn’t deserve anything.