When night finally came Grayson still hadn’t left his room.

He should shower, he should eat, he should drink, there were so many things he should do but couldn’t find the will to accomplish them. He lay there on his bed staring at the stone gray walls tracing the cracks that weaved in its foundation with his eyes.

Sleep should have come, but even when it did it was restless. There were no dreams that first night in an actual bed, only darkness. The candlelight flickered behind him, casting familiar shadows on the wall. He watched as the stars rotated outside of the window pulling new constellations into view. His eyes would flutter and he’d nod off only to wake not long after. There was nothing keeping him up except the worry in his own head.

Time. He’d tell himself. He just needed time. But he always needed time and it only kept bringing him more suffering. Suffering to himself and those around him. Time was proving to be his ultimate enemy, but maybe they could be friends.

At some point he finally fell asleep with a substantial gap between wake periods. He’d missed the hours of dawn when the sun broke over the horizon bringing in warmth and chasing away the cool air of the night. When he finally did wake the birds were in full song and voices echoed from the courtyards below. In the distance he could hear the squeaky wheel of a wagon, horses, and even the dogs barking in the kennels. These were all sounds he grew accustomed too as a child and he had sorely missed. But now, he couldn’t even reveal in it. They were the sounds that should have brought happiness but only prolonged his darkest feelings.

It was Era who stirred within the room first, the clicking of her toe nails on the floor as she moved towards the door. Seconds later a knock sounded from the floor followed by Tristan's voice.

Grayson in that moment felt his heart sink into the bed, a hard lump in his throat as his stomach clenched tightly. He wanted to say something, welcome him into his chambers but the words wouldn’t form whilst his tongue felt swollen. He clenched his eyes shut, thinking ‘Please just go away, I just need more time.’ But even that thought was untrue. Grayson needed Tristan even if he couldn’t admit it aloud or even within himself.

The knob jiggled and the door opened and he stilled. His heart was racing as it sunk lower while his body felt like it was floating all tingly. They were being pulled in opposite directions.

Era on the other hand met with Cel before bumping her nose in Tristan’s palm after he sat. She looked up at him with a silent plea before returning the Cel, settling in next to him with her head on her paws.

Tristan's voice was like a spear to his heart. Breaking the long silence that loomed within the room. It tore away his attention from the noise outside bringing him back inside his own head.

“I don't know what to say.” Graysons voice was raspy from a days long disuse. He cleared his throat before pulling the covers up to his chin. He hadn’t realized the tension he had in his body until he moved. “I don’t know how to even say the things I should say, or want to say.” Grayson squeezed his eyes, wanting to look at Tristan but finding that even now he was too cowardly. “So what is there to even talk about then?”

He could feel the pressure of Era’s displeasure, he just ignored it.

“I just….” he started, pausing long enough to let the lump in his throat settle. “I didn’t mean too, I..I..”

But nothing else would come out. He wrapped his arms around himself and pulled his legs in closer. He felt small, so small.