Falls

There had never been one that she had connected with, sure, a connection with parents were completely different than the connection she’d have with someone non related to her. She’d never found someone who she could bond with, who she could talk to without fear. Without hesitation. But this, this was something different. There was something to be said about not fearing others. About being able to open up without reservations. She, had never been able to do that in the past. Ever.

The grief wouldn’t change, but it’d settle, it’d fade enough to make things, bearable. Bearable. What a word. When things were bad, but it wasn’t so bad to the point of not being able to deal. At least, that’s how I’ve been told. To experience grief, well, that was much more different than anyone could ever explain. Its not like her parents were dead, they were just absent from her life. Nor had she lost anyone she felt a connection too. So maybe all that she’d been told in the past was a load of bull and she was just spreading it. But there was a part of her that believed it. That hoped that what she was saying would comfort him, if not make it easier to deal with whatever was going on.

When he spoke up after she spoke of the inlet, a soft smile graced her features, shaking her head softly. “It’s alright.” she replied in kind to his apology for interrupting. She wasn’t concerned, its not like she had much to tell. When he asked about wandering, she thought for a moment, wondering what to say. “It’s alright. Not the best, I can admit, however, it beats being home where you’re surrounded by family and stuck as the go between for parents. I feel a little bad, leaving mom without someone to help her communicate, but at the same time I couldn’t be there anymore…not after everything.” Why had she mentioned that? There was no way in gods green earth that she was going to dive into that story. Not if she wanted sleep this month.

He spoke further of the inlet, and the bay, and she nodded her head, listening with ears that twisted forward to catch the words. He didn’t seem to want to hold her gaze, and that was his preference. She wasn’t the kind that would get upset over little things, because there were greater things out in the world to worry about.

She nodded her head, listening to the words about the leader of the bay, and the lead mare of the shore. He seemed to be giving good intel. Now, all she had to do was pay attention to keep herself safe, yes?

“I suppose in a way I was running away. But at the same time, there wasn’t really a place for me within the family anymore. Things…changed and it wasn’t safe. I suppose I ran away for my own safety, ignoring the safety of everyone else.” That was where her guilt was. She hadn’t guided her mother to safety. And she worried that things would get worse for her mother there, and that things would never be the same, but at the same time, Audie needed to care for herself, and put herself first, after all, it’d always been about everyone else. It was time for a change, right?